Dear Goldfish Part 24

Hello, Internet. Welcome back to Dear Goldfish, the (let’s be honest here–not at all) weekly series where I answer real questions asked by our studio audience, in other words, you. The following questions have been submitted by people who typed words into search engines with no editing or censoring.

Dear Goldfish,
just married cinderella?

Congratulations, I guess.

Dear Goldfish,
nice clowns?

There is no such thing. All clowns are inherently evil, especially if they’re not wearing pants.

Dear Goldfish,
fuck you?

Well, fuck you, too.

Dear Goldfish,
who invented the bugatti veyron?

Was it Mr. Bugatti? Let’s go with that.

Dear Goldfish,
logic behind puppy following jumping goldfish fishbowl?

I’m not sure that anything a puppy does could be considered logical.

Dear Goldfish,
berengier au long cou?

Two questions on this? Fancypants. “Bèrenger of the Long Arse” is a French fabliau about the adventures of a knight with a big ass. I mentioned it here.

Dear Goldfish,
religious wooden hosting flask from 1776?

No. Wait, what does that mean? Anyway, no.

Dear Goldfish,
vagina pinterest?

Why are so many of you asking about this? Seriously, knock it off. That’s creepy as shit.

Dear Goldfish,
why do girls like sissies?

I’m not sure that we do actually. I can only speak for myself, but generally speaking, I don’t like sissies.

Dear Goldfish,
what comes after the letter r and before t?

Why, S, of course. Don’t know know your alphabet?

Dear Goldfish,
sometimes i think about you and touch myself innapropriately?

Well, that’s okay, I guess. I mean, we all have urges. I would prefer if you refrained from telling me about it, though. It does make for an awkward conversation.

Dear Goldfish,
“you were wrong then and you’re wrong now”?

I know I’m not always right. I’m usually right, but not always.

Dear Goldfish,
california beaches in los angeles?

By definition, all beaches in Los Angeles are also in California.

Dear Goldfish,
80’s synthpop band that wore tall caps and a mask?

I have absolutely no idea. Anyone else know?

Dear Goldfish,
how far is america from australia in km?

1,302,383,890 km. (I just made that up. Kilometers confuse my stupid American brain.)

Dear Goldfish,
malamute 7 month old?

Daaaw…

image from dogsblog.com
image from dogsblog.com

Dear Goldfish,
im blonde where are my ancestors from?

How should I know? Why don’t you ask them.

Dear Goldfish,
how to draw a realistic giraffe?

I cannot help you with that. I only draw cartooney ones.

Dear Goldfish,
should i get and entropy surgery for my dog?

They have entropy surgery for dogs now? I’ll have to check into that.

thermo2

Dear Goldfish,
my deceased grandmother left a letter?

Perhaps you should, you know, read it. Just a suggestion. Do what you like.

Dear Goldfish,
анимация пожарная машина?

Russian again, huh? Alright, let’s translate it… “animation fire truck.” Alright, here’s a two for one:

fire-truck-crash-o

Dear Goldfish,
bigfoot language?

Bigfoot has its own language? Well, I suppose they must. All animals have a way of communicating with each other. Here’s a lovely Bigfoot collage I put together a while ago.

An array of Bigfoot illustrations.
An array of Bigfoot illustrations.

Well, that’s just about all we have time for today. Remember, you can submit your own question to Dear Goldfish. Thanks for joining us and be sure to come back for more Dear Goldfish next week! Thank you and good night!

More Dear Goldfish.