I’m a pretty awkward person, which causes me to have some pretty awkward moments. I share them so that you normal people can live vicariously.

The Wave

I walk my dog every day in the same area, which means I see a lot of the same people walking their dogs every day in the same area. One day, from across the street, I saw a dog I recognized and I waved at the owner who did not return my wave. As I walked closer, I realized that, while it was the same dog, it was not the same person walking her. The person walking her that morning was not the son, but likely, his father.

Great, so now the father is thinking that all black people look the same to me and I’m racist or I’m the over-exuberant white lady over-compensating with her black neighbors and still probably a racist, when in actuality, I’m just an idiot.

The Deaf Guy

There’s a deaf guy with a blind dog who has started coming to the dog park recently. His enunciation is very difficult to understand. He’s said a few sentences to me, and being hard of hearing myself, I cannot understand him. I end up just nodding awkwardly in a circular way that could mean yes or no, depending on what answer you’re looking for. It’s like the deaf leading the deaf over here and I don’t know sign language. I should learn sign language.

The work vacation

Said to a coworker who took an extra few days at Labor Day weekend: “How was your vacation?”

Coworker: “It was a business trip.”

I don’t remember you

I just started a new job a month ago, so I’m still assimilating names and faces. There are a lot more of them than at my old job, so it’s a struggle and I’m terrible with names and faces. Like really bad at them. So, when the shipping manager was introducing me to some people, and I said, “Hi, I’m goldfish,” to one of them, it was especially awkward when the reply came, “Yeah, I know. We worked together for about five years.”

The Unrequested Response

Since I’m so bad with names and faces, I try to be polite to everyone I encounter. If I pass someone in the hallway, I give them a “good morning/afternoon” or even just a smile. The other day, I was walking out of work at lunch and someone said something to me on the order of “HI, how are you?” This is a common greeting, so I said, “Good, thanks.” only to have him shoot me a confused look and point at the Bluetooth earpiece in his ear.

Walking is dangerous business

For whatever reason, on the way to the bathroom at work, I have tripped in the same completely flat spot in the hallway… twice.

Flies are hard

Saturday morning, I took my dog out for a walk and only realized when I came back inside that the fly on my pants was down. Then I stood in front of the mirror and moved to see how much could be seen. Fortunately, my pants had an under-flap so you couldn’t see my skivvies, however, it was still completely obvious that my fly was down. I ran into at least three people on the walk.

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