I’d like to be an heiress. I think I could do it. I’d enjoy wearing ridiculous clothing, live in a beautiful house or two, and collect things like shoes or butterflies. If there’s not a rich and prominent family that wants to adopt me, I could alternately be a princess or some other form of royalty, provided that I still get to wear the ridiculous clothes and collect shoes. You did say money didn’t matter, right?

Once I have my title, I could spend my time doing whatever I choose. I’d probably still have to spend a good deal of time doing things I didn’t want to do like attending brunches and shaking hands, but I could do some real good if I was an heiress and didn’t have to worry about myself. I would actually volunteer. I don’t mean this fake, publicity volunteering that so many celebrities do, but real volunteering. Two or three days a week, I’d spend time helping people. I might volunteer at a domestic violence shelter, or something to do with children or animals. More likely animals since I’m not all that fond of children. I’d be a good kind of heiress, one that helps people, and I’d never, ever make a secret sex tape.

If the heiress plan failed, I think my second choice would be an astronaut. I’d really like to leave this planet just once. I just want to see with my own eyes how the earth and everything else looks from far away. I am very annoyed that we live in an era where space travel is possible, but it isn’t a daily reality yet. I, as an average schmoe, cannot just hop on a space shuttle to the moon. I’d like to go to the moon, dammit. We should be farther along with this space exploration business. It greatly saddens me that I might not get to leave this rock before I die. If money was no object, I’d start my own private space company in the Mojave desert, not too far from the one that’s already there now. We could compete for who will be the first private company to blast off into space. Even if I didn’t win the space race, I’d like to be on the first shuttle my company sends off into space.

If I couldn’t be a space heiresses, my third choice would be a writer. I’d like to write. I write now, but it’s a matter of squeezing in the time and I don’t always get to do it every day. My ultimate job would be to have enough money to live on and maybe even buy a little house somewhere, with no day job, no being too tired at the end of the day, no alarm clocks, just time and writing. That sounds perfect to me, almost better than a shoe collection or my own space shuttle.