Create a new law that will make the world a more fun place. For example: Replace all stairs with slides, put gumball machines on every corner.

As much as replacing stairs with slides and putting gumball machines on every corner might make the world a more fun place (even though I don’t chew gum), if people don’t have time to enjoy them, they don’t do much good.

Americans take less time off than any civilized country in the world. Do an internet search for “American paid time off” or “American vacation average” and you’ll see study after study showing just how woefully under-vacationed we are. While the rest of the world takes over a month off every year, sometimes as mandatory time off, Americans make do with roughly 10 paid days off out of approximately 200 working days a year. That’s just 5% of a year that we take as vacation. We take more time off than that during a day just to pee. Yet, most Americans have accrued more than ten days of vacation. Typical office jobs give employees two weeks of vacation a year and we don’t use it all. That’s ridiculous.

At my last job, I maxed out vacation time because I was never allowed to take a whole week off at a time. I had something like 180 hours of vacation that I never took. That’s a month and a half that I could have taken off – paid. They ended up buying me out for it. All of that time I could have spent chewing gum or sliding down stair-slides was wasted and turned into money instead.

I feel mildly guilty when I take time off. It’s less acute if it’s a planned day off rather than a sick day, but the feeling of misconduct is there nonetheless. I think this is a pretty typical American attitude. We feel as if the Quibsnizzle factory would break down if we weren’t there to push the Squibget into the Sprockethole for a day. The fact is, individually, no single one of us workaday schlubs is really that important. Quibsnizzle, Inc. isn’t going to go bankrupt if you take one sick day because you are actually sick. I’m not sure if it’s arrogance at our own inflated value, employer’s subtle passive aggression and frowning upon time off, or if it’s merely a cultural attitude, but this has got to stop. It’s not healthy.

Not to mention the fact that the average workday has lengthened without us even noticing. Back in 1980, there was a terrible movie with Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda and some other woman (I forget who it was). These women kidnapped their horrible boss (Dabney Coleman I think) and ran the company themselves, successfully I might add, in his place. The point of bringing up this movie now is that it was called Nine To Five, as in standard office hours. Offices in the 1980s were open for business from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. with lunch in the middle. Somewhere in the last thirty years, and I don’t even know when, the standard office hours went from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. to 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., and lunch became something we did on our own time. Workdays increased by an hour a day and employers stopped paying us for lunch. That is totally not fair.

In order to increase motivation, decrease stress and generally make the world more fun, I declare that the 45-hour work week (8 a.m. to 5 p.m.) is hereby shortened to 40 hours (9 a.m. to 5 p.m.) including lunch. We all get paid for lunch again. In addition, all Americans are required by law to take every last hour of our vacation time. If you currently don’t get any vacation time, well, you do now. All employers are required to give employees at least one week of paid time per year, not including local or federal holidays. If you have to work on a holiday, you get to take that day off another time. Every single last minute of paid time off that you accrue has to be taken. It’s now mandatory.

Take your vacation time. Go somewhere or just stay home; it’s up to you. Play with your kids. Start a home improvement project. Write a book. Do what you like, but above all, relax.