A Fictional Character I'd Like to Hang Out With

There are very few fictional characters who are multidimensional enough that I’d want to spend 24 hours with them. And to what end? Just for shits and giggles? If we’re going with the shits and giggles premise, it would have to be someone I found entertaining.

I could bring Sherlock Holmes to life and we could solve a mystery. Or Philip Marlowe perhaps? But I fear that Marlowe would be very confused to see what had happened to his town. Los Angeles today barely resembles Raymond Chandler’s Los Angeles at all. Besides, good mysteries are hard to come by these days.

How about a comic book character? Batman would be interesting, but I think he’d take everything too seriously. I can’t imagine spending an afternoon shopping and grabbing some margaritas on Melrose as the sun is setting with Batman. I’m not quite sure what I’d do with him. He’s not much of a talker.

Darth Vader might be fun, but people would think that he was just some fanboy in a cosplay costume. I do live in Los Angeles, after all, where things like Darth Vader walking around on Hollywood Blvd. aren’t that uncommon. Besides, I’d be afraid that I’d say something off color and he’d choke me with his mind choking powers or whatever they call that in the Star Wars universe.

James Bond would be cool because James Bond is always cool. He’d probably spend the day drinking, gambling and hitting on women though. Charming as he may be, I can’t imagine sitting down to have a serious conversation with him. In real life, he’d probably be very boring if you weren’t a spy yourself.

Merlin would be awesome. I could have him conjure up some spells and smite evildoers. It would be nice to have an all-powerful wizard by my side. I’d have to do some planning in advance to see who was going to get their smite on.

Conan The Barbarian or Thor would be interesting. They could go around wreaking havoc on unsuspecting villains with their giant sword or mighty hammer respectively, but I fear the property damage costs would be very high. There are already too many barbarians in this city.

Spider Jersusalem

So, I go back to comic books, but forget the superheros. Superman, Batman, Wolverine… they’d all probably be none too amusing in the real world. I’d want someone with whom I could have an engaging conversation and a bit of fun. I can think of no better person that fits that bill than Spider Jerusalem from Transmetropolitan by Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson. Spider is funny, caustic, smart, fearless and he’d probably be a hell of a good time. We could spend the day ripping through Los Angeles, drinking and carousing, making fun of people and generally causing a ruckus. It sounds like a plan to me.