Mind & Heart

The heart is covered with layer upon layer of numbness like a branch laboring under the weight of snow and ice. The numbness weighs down the heart like the branch weighs heavy on the tree. With enough layers, it will snap and sever itself forever.

The mind put the numbness there to protect the heart. The mind knows that, if it there is too much numbness, it will crush the heart under its weight. If it doesn’t get the balance just right, the heart will be destroyed, but without the numbness, the heart would be an unbridled, burning core. The heart would burn out of control and all would be lost. But, even with the numbness, the core is still in there, radiating from the center; making the whole system feel ill at ease and leaving a bad taste in the mouth. It’s a physical, tangible presence that seeps through the numbness. Every once in a while, it makes it through all those layers all the way to the mind. There’s nothing that can be done about it. The heart is broken and the mind can’t fix it. The heart can’t mend itself since it spends all its time pumping blood. All it can do is a little first aid, hoping to stem the tide, but it’s not enough. Eventually, the sore, little heart will be crushed or turn supernova, and that will be the end of the mind and the numbness and the everything.

The mind tries to reason with the heart. The mind wants to weigh things out with pros and cons. It wants it to be rational, but the heart is not rational. If the heart ever thought rationally, it would stop pumping all that blood every second. The heart doesn’t have time to think; it only wants and needs. And what the heart wants, the mind must provide, but the mind has other ideas. Sometimes, the mind forgets that, without the heart, it would cease to exist, too. The mind tries to ignore the heart, but you can’t ignore what is yourself. So, the heart keeps pumping and wanting, and the mind keeps thinking and ignoring, and they never seem to compromise.

The mind thinks that the heart is a silly creature, but deep down, it respects it. The heart never falters. It never rests. It is straight as an arrow. The mind knows that these are qualities it lacks. The mind is all over the place running from one extreme to another. The heart runs true and the mind does not. The heart never stops pumping. It never stops.

The mind can convince itself of all sorts of folly. It can make itself believe anything if it tries hard enough. The mind knows how dangerous this can be. It could make itself believe that it’s all pointless; that there’s no way out of all that pumping and numbness. It knows that no matter how hard it tries to protect the heart, it will stop eventually. It’s inevitable. The mind knows that, if it really wanted to, it could convince the heart to stop pumping, but it never would.

In some ways, the mind is jealous of the heart. The heart is simple. It never asks why. The mind thinks for the heart because the heart is incapable of thinking. It can only feel. Sometimes, the mind looks at it as a burden. The mind resents the heart. Why should the mind have to be responsible for the heart? And then it remembers that the heart is responsible for the mind, too. They can’t exist without each other. They are stuck together. They have no choice but to live together or not at all.