Because there’s never enough hatred in the world, I’m continuing with 10 Things I Hate…
1. I hate that the public library no longer puts the little due date cards inside library books. Once upon a time, you could just open the front cover of a library book, pull out a card and know exactly when a library book was due. Nowadays, you get a printed receipt very much like one you would receive if you bought a soda. It’s hard to distinguish which is a stupid, useless, soda receipt and which is the one that tells you important information, like, say, WHEN YOUR LIBRARY BOOKS ARE DUE. I know it is a far better system for them and it also means we don’t have to deal with the dreaded card catalog anymore, but it really sucks for me since I can’t remember these things and I seem to collect a lot of receipts.
2. I hate it when people start a sentence with “Guess…” For example, guess what I did last night. Guess who called me the other day. Guess how much I weigh. Do I look like a fortune teller? Am I at a carnival and I’ll win a teddy bear if I guess correctly? No, stop it. Just tell me whatever it is that you’re dying to tell me without all the guessing, please, because inevitably, I’ll guess wrong and accidentally say something that hurts your feelings anyway. “Guess how old I am.” “I dunno, 54?” “I just turned 30,” says the insecure idiot who ridiculously asked me to guess her age for no reason at all as she runs away crying. I’ll never win the teddy bear.
3. I hate how parents these days seem to be afraid of their own children. More likely, they’re afraid of having child protective services called on them if they so much as raise their voice to their child in public. If I see one more child crawling under a table in a restaurant while its owners sit idly by, I’m going to lose it. It’s alright to discipline your children if they’re out of control. Really, it is.
4. I hate when people pull up in front of a house and honk the horn. Most of the time, they don’t honk the horn just once, but constantly at three-second intervals until whomever they’re waiting on takes their sweet time getting out to the car. If you are really that impatient, might I suggest you get your fat ass out of the damn car and go knock on the door? Or, if that’s too much of a bother, there are these new things called cell phones where you can call them right from the comfort of your vehicle instead of driving me to want to murder you. Plus, the entire time you’re wailing on your car horn, you’re probably double parked, which brings me to #5…
5. I hate when people double park on a street right in front of an open spot a mile long. What is that? You don’t even have to do the whole forward, backward thing. The spot is so big you could pull a semi-truck in there straight on, but no. That’s not for you. Your inconsiderate ass won’t pull over. Instead, you’ll make the rest of us go around you into oncoming traffic while you blast your damn car horn at someone inside.
6. I hate trying to get useful information from government websites/automated phone systems. The websites are slightly less dreary and dismal than their brick and mortar counterparts, but not by much. At least if you call them or go in person, you know that, after the interminably long wait, you will get a person to talk to at the end, if you’re lucky. Not so with websites. The people who wrote the copy must get a good laugh out of confusing you while not providing any information of benefit at all. You’ll just wind up in a twisted Möbius strip of pages that become increasingly incoherent with every pass. In the end, you’ll probably end up calling the phone number anyway where you will be treated to a thousand prompts and recorded messages that don’t pertain to you. Then, it will unceremoniously hang up on you because it can’t recognize the numbers you type in on your smart phone as numbers. “Is your telephone number QWZ-FAP-TRKL? If this is correct, press 1…” And don’t even get me started on the web design…
7. I hate that some people still refuse to use spell check. It’s everywhere these days. I even have it on my phone so that when I type “Sup?”, it will ask if I meant “Supper?” I’m alright with the obtrusive nature of spell check because, if I did mean supper, it will fix it. Although, I can’t imagine why I’d ever use the word supper in a text message… Anyway, spell check is omnipresent now. We never have to misspell a word again, especially in something considered to be “writing” which is posted on the internets, like this here thing I’m ranting now. Use it, please.
8. I hate websites that don’t list prices. This is not some exclusive French dining establishment where, if you have to ask how much the Chateaubriand is, you can’t afford it. This is the internets. We are consumers. Consumers need things like prices to make informed decisions about buying things. If you don’t put the price on there, there are a thousand other websites that sell your junk or similar junk who will. Put the price up.
9. I hate that people seem to have no manners anymore. If someone holds the door for you, please, say thank you. It’s not hard. It’s amazing that anyone would actually hold a door open for someone else in this day and age, so when they do, they deserve some sort of recognition. This kind of rare behavior towards our fellow humans should be encouraged. A simple “thanks” would do nicely.
10. I hate the inevitable awkward conversation about whatever TV show people are watching these days. It’s awkward for me since I don’t have cable and I have never seen it. This always happens in a group of three or more people. Obviously, if someone is just talking to me, I’ll say I’ve never seen it and that’s the end of the conversation. But, in a group of three or more people, there always seems to be two who have every episode committed to memory and a half-hour conversation on something I have no idea about nor interest in will ensue. This also applies to conversations about people I don’t know. “Oh, you know John Doe, too? We went to high school together!” This is usually the part in the conversation when I groan and excuse myself, hoping that John isn’t all that interesting and they won’t still be talking about him when I return.
Fish Of Gold 