Awkward Moments With Goldfish Part 7

Sometimes, polar bear facepalm is the only appropriate reaction.

I’m a fairly awkward individual with below average social skills. Interactions that vary from the norm sometimes leave me flustered. I’m also terrible at remembering names, faces, and other relevant information about humans. Here are some of the results.

Glowing Demon Eyes

I mentioned this one before. I was sitting at a restaurant with Rara and Mamasaur, when the waitress came over to take our order. She did a double take, then a triple take as she leaned in way too close to me. Ra thought she was going to kiss me. She was staring at my glowing-red demon eyes.

I’m a big fan of personal space and strangers not invading mine without my knowledge or approval, and that is exactly what the waitress did.

It turned out that my eyes were not actually glowing red; they were merely reflecting a nearby red umbrella and I wasn’t a demon after all. At least, not because of that.

Dog Park Lady

The dog park I go to has a sort of lobby at each entrance with two gates that act as a double barrier to keep the dogs from willy-nilly running into the street, like so:


I arrived at the dog park one night to find both entrance gates open. As the sign says, you’re supposed to close one gate behind you before you open the next one like an airlock, so it was rather strange that both gates would be open with no one in the immediate area.

I asked a woman in the dog park if she knew who left both gates open. I’m not sure why I asked since there was nothing to be done about it, but that kind of behavior irritates me. Someone’s dog could have easily run into the street and gotten hit by a car.

I didn’t ask her accusingly. I merely asked if she saw who did it, without implying that it was her. She responded icily that she had come in the other entrance and didn’t see who left the gates open, but it damn well wasn’t her. Taken aback by her attitude, I just wandered off.

Well, it seems that the woman I talked to was the very same woman who yelled at me for hitting her dog just a few days after Male died, so I’ll just quote the exchange:

Her dog had used the drinking water to wash his muddy paws, so I refilled it. I wanted my dog to get a drink before he muddied it up again, so when I put the water bowl down, I put my hand out at chest level at her dog to keep him from stepping in it. Helicopter mom came over and accused me of hitting her dog.
“He’s sensitive. Don’t touch my dog.”

“I didn’t touch your dog. I put my hand out so that he wouldn’t step in the water bowl two seconds after I put it down.”

“It doesn’t matter what you did, but don’t ever hit my dog.”

“I didn’t even touch your dog, let alone hit him!”

It wasn’t until later when a dog park buddy told me it was her that I remembered the incident at all. What’s that saying? Keep your friends close, and try to remember who your enemies are?

Have A Fun Surgery!

As I mentioned the other day, my dentist’s office had a month off recently. I was their last patient before vacation.

I asked one of the dental hygienists if she was going to be doing anything fun for vacation. She told me she was having surgery. Nothing major, but it would leave her on her back for most of her time off. She said it wasn’t a very fun way to spend vacation, but since she had the time off of work anyway, it seemed like a good time to have it done.

As I was leaving the office not even an hour later, I told her, “Have fun on your vacation!” It was only on the last syllable that I remembered that she was having surgery, pretty much the opposite of fun.

Hey, Yogurt Girl

One of my coworkers has the same name as a yogurt brand. Specifically, this one:


Only, unlike the yogurt, it’s pronounced day•non, not dan•non. For the life of me, I cannot get this right, because all I think of is the yogurt.

Fortunately, I’ve never mispronounced her name to her face, but I have mangled it many times to at least four or five coworkers. I’m constantly saying, “Dan… dayn… mother of goats, I cannot get that name right.”

More Awkwardness