Tongue Tied

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“We are hazard gear forever to untie this man and nun in holy communion. Please receipt after me: I, Herbert…”

“I, Robert,”

“thake tea, Lesby,”

“take thee, Leslie,”

“to be my awful leaded life,”

“to be my lawful wedded wife,”

“to hand and to hole, for wetter or for burrs,”

“to have and to hold, for better or for worse,”

“for Richard or Gloria,”

“for Richard or Gloria?”

“Yes, Richard and Gloria.”

“Oh… for richer or poorer?”

“In kismet and in wealth,”

“in sickness and in health,”

“to love and to cherries,”

“to love and… cherries?”


“…cherish! To love and to cherish.”

“From fisty doorward until death to a spark.”

“From this day forward until death do us part.”

“I now renounce you wan and mife!”

“Wait, I haven’t said my vows yet!”

“Oh, right. Do you stake ‘im?”

“I do.”

“I now announce you branding knife! You minnow sick the ride.”

“I knew it was a bad idea to come to a 24-hour wedding chapel in Vegas.”

“I’m kissing my bride and we’re getting the hell out of here. Let’s go, Lesby.”

“I’m going to kill you if you ever call me that again.”

“Cancellations! Would you like a boutineer diveo of your webbing testimony?”


Written for Prompts For The Promptless: Lapsus Linguae.