1. I hate insurance. It’s such a scam. Health, car, pet, homeowners… it’s all designed to take your money. When you do need to file a claim, you still have to pay something called a deductible and then your insurance rate goes up. If we’re going to have to pay monthly insurance premiums, we shouldn’t have to pay when we need it, too. Stop double dipping, damn insurance scammers.
2. I hate losing things. I hate that cell phones are the only personal belongings that can alert you to their locale. I hate looking for something only to find that it’s exactly where it’s supposed to be or that it was right in front of my face all along. I searched for a dustpan for 15 minutes yesterday only to find it in plain sight.
3. Remixes. I’ve never heard a remix of a song I like that was better than the original. I’ve never heard a remix of a mediocre or bad song that made it any better. And why are remixes required to double or triple the run time of a song? All remixes are are inter-industry hand jobs.”Hey, I make music and you make music! Why don’t you take some of my music and turn it into some of your music!” Get your damn chocolate out of my peanut butter.
4. Stupid advertisements. The person who posted that Youtube I just linked has it right: “Seriously, who struts down the sidewalk munching on a jar of peanut butter???” I remember those commercials. I remember, even as a wee lass thinking “that’s idiotic.” I have blissfully lived sans commercials for the last three years. I have a television, of course; I’m not a dirty hippy. I just don’t have cable or network television or anything that blares commercials at me 24/7. Nowadays, my tolerance is low. When I do see a commercial, I can’t just idly ignore them anymore. They get right into my subconscious like an earworm with their blaring overdubs. Get your damn chocolate out of my peanut butter.
5. The human memory. Mine is a little more defective than most. I will walk inside to do two things. I will call out those things in my head so that I don’t forget them like a mantra, “Get more coffee and pee.” Then, I will walk inside and do the dishes, pet the cat, reorganize my sock drawer, draw a cartoon, compose some poetry, do a pole dance or whatever else it is that I do besides get more coffee and pee. You’d think, with peeing being a biological process, that I would at least remember to do that. Nope.
6. Having to censor myself in mixed company. I’m no good at it. I have a friend who’s dating a Christian. She seems completely reasonable otherwise. She can tolerate all sorts of off-color comments–that’s really all conversations with my friends contain–but the minute you mention Jesus, she can’t hang. Sometimes, I forget that that topic is verboten and being a completely horrible person in familiar company amongst friends who feel the same way I do on the subject, well, sometimes things get a little out of hand.
7. I hate being completely unable to understand someone’s point of view. I pride myself on being able to see topics from other perspectives, but there are certain viewpoints I am just incapable of understanding, e.g hatred for other people’s sexual preferences or color. If I really think about what it would be like to hate someone just because they like someone of the same gender or because their skin is a different color than mine, my brain goes numb. I just can’t do it. I do not understand. I suppose that’s a good thing, but I don’t like incomprehension.
8. Hypocrites. Railing against gay people and then being caught in the bathroom or an airport trolling for gay sex. Bashing people for not living up to a moral code that you don’t even live up to yourself. Arguing against abortion rights when you don’t even have a vagina and couldn’t possibly understand what it would be like to be forced to carry a child to term who was conceived in rape.
9. I hate that when you’ve heard something enough, it loses all power. Some things are hilarious only the first time you hear them. Conversely, some things are only shocking when you first hear them. There’s a school in the city I live in where a teacher was arrested for tying up dozens of children, blindfolding them and spoon-feeding them his semen. This is horrible. This is shocking. This is beyond the pale. However, every news story I’ve read on the topic mentions binding and blindfolding children and spoon-feeding them semen in what has been dubbed “the tasting game.” What really bothers me is that, reading that sentence a few weeks after the new broke, it doesn’t seem all that jolting to me anymore. I gloss over those details to glean the news. Tying up children and spoon-feeding them semen should never stop seeming shocking.
10. I hate that things like that happen in this world. It’s so very fucked up and wrong.