Search Words Part 3

I enjoy looking at what people on the internets are typing into search engines and how they make their way here. These are some real search terms that people have used to get to my blog. I did not make any of these up.

Natural Disasters
The post on Natural Disasters is still a big draw. Most of the search terms are like this:

Natural disasters in 2011

But every once in a while, I get something like:

what is the natural disaster that happen in 2011 and where?
+funny but real natural disaster stories in 2011
thanking god for sunny days yet forgetting about natural disasters

I don’t see what god has got to do with anything.

The World’s Dumbest Cat
The World’s Dumbest Cat is still hanging in there at #2 as the most popular post on this site. Some cat related searches besides just the usual variations:

Norwegian forest lurker

I like it. I think they should change the breed name from Norwegian Forest Cat to Norwegian Forest Lurker. Lurking is what my cat does best. Well, that and sleeping, but the Norwegian Forest Sleeper doesn’t sound as good.

dumb cats of the world

I suppose it never occurred to me that the rest of the world has dumb cats, too. I’m sure that there are a lot of people all over the world who have dumb cats.

the most dummest cats

I love the irony in that one.

Well-Known Facts
I’ve written several posts about well-known facts lately: the original, photographic evidence, goldfish, dog and world record mammal editions (linked below). They’re all nonsense, hogwash, malarkey, hooey and bunkum, containing quite a bit of tomfoolery and shenanigans. I feel mildly guilty that people are looking for real facts, and instead, they’re finding their way here. I’ll state this again, there are hardly any practical facts on this blog. Some well-known fact searches that have made their way here:

From the Goldfish Edition:

why do they call goldfish goldfish
proof of a goldfish
goldfish facts

Sorry, no facts here, just a bunch of silly nonsense masquerading as fact.

jimmy choo gold sandals
sandals made from gold
golden puma’s

There were quite a few golden shoe searches. Surprisingly, it seems that a lot of people are interested in gold footwear.

Mercedes gold car
golden macbook pro
gold toilet
goldfish toilet
golden fish bowl 24 carat

Why would any of the above be necessary?

gold thingers

I see this person is as technical about their thingers as I am.

optimus prime’s schematics

Awesome! Wish I had them so I could build my own. I wouldn’t make mine out of gold though. I’d probably use a more practical building material like pure hatred tempered with vengeance.

From the Dog Edition:

dog mouth vagina

I don’t even want to know.

dog poop looks like sausage casing

I don’t even want to know. I knew I’d regret using the word “poop” so many times.

anatomy german shorthaired pointer
anatomy of a dog’s mouth images
inside of a healthy dog’s mouth

Once again, I’m apologize. I don’t have any real facts here, just the well-known variety.

From the posts The Stapler and Photographic Evidence Edition:

personification of a stapler
staplers that stand up
fancy staplers

Pish posh! Staplers that stand up and are personified? Why I never…

Also from the Photographic Evidence Edition:

“real pirate ship”

Real in quotes scares me a little bit, e.g. made with 100% “real” faux cheese! It also worries me that a person searching for “real pirate ship” was shown a picture of a toy pirate ship that I photoshopped Hello Kitty all over.

jolly roger shoes

I have no shoes for sale. Come back tomorrow.

jolly roger facts

Again, with the facts… You internet searchers are relentless in your search for facts, yet you keep ending up here.

pirate shit

Yes.

hello kitty pirate ship
hello kitty pirate
hello kitty pirate flag
hello kitty pirate in a ship

Apparently, I’m not the only one who thought of putting Hello Kitty on a pirate ship. See? With so many people searching for it, it must be a fact.

Strangely, there were hardly any searches about dinosaurs walking on the moon.

From the World Record Mammals Edition (and here I feel the worst about not having any real facts since some of these searches might have been done by children):

continent of africa
outline of africa map
africa map
africa map outline
map of africa
outline of antarctica
anatomy pinguim

At least, I assume some of them might be children since I’m hoping an adult would be able to spell penguin better than that.

Fish and Bowls

Then we have the usual fish, fishbowl, goldfish searches sigh:

fishbowl band

I wrote a post about what my band would be called if I had one, but I don’t have one. Be very thankful I don’t.

today i woke up and i was a fish

I’m sorry to hear that. That’s a pretty strange way to wake up.

fishbowl fail business

Yeah, so I’m not good at business… shut up!

fishbowl nsa

I don’t understand what a fishbowl has to do with the NSA (National Security Agency). I’m not going to even mention the NSA for fear they’ll come visiting. Oh, I just did. Hello there, NSA! Um, welcome! Have a seat over there. Would you like some coffee or an orange Tic Tac®? I’m afraid that’s all I have to offer. No? Ummm, ok then. I’ll just be over here if you need anything. Great work you’re doing… really.

sample pageant fish bowl questions

Once again, I’m baffled by this one, which was searched for three times in the last three months.

Synesthesia
I wrote a post about my Synesthesia and once in a while, a synesthesia search will pop up:

synethesia music movement

Yes, that’s the kind of synesthesia I have. This probably isn’t interesting to anyone else, but it is to me. I mention synesthesia whenever I can so it stays relevant and other people with it can find me. Synesthesia, synesthesia, synesthesia.

Things I Hate
I have a series called 10 Things I Hate. So far, I’ve written about 110 things I hate. These search words all got here from those posts:

10 things graphic designer hates

Only 10? I suppose you could sum it up with only one word: everything (except actually designing which is about 10% of the work). I totally cheated with that one word thing. haha.

i hate peoples laugh

OK. You go on and hate, hater.

i hate stickers on cars

When I complained about the dumb things people put on their cars in Part 10, I didn’t mean all stickers on cars, just the dumb ones (which is all of them).

do people hate the baby on board sign

Yes, they bloody well do. And if they don’t, they probably have one themselves. You cannot trust their opinion though since they have a stupid fucking baby on board sign on their stupid fucking car.

most common thing to hate

My first guess would be people.

Bukowski
I’ve written several posts about Charles Bukowski that can be found here. These are some recent search terms:

bukowski haiku
bukowski poem with fishbowl

The same thing I do with synesthesia applies to Bukowski. It’s nice to see people finding their way here with his name. Bukowski, Bukowski, Bukowski.

Glossophobia

glossophobia story

Sadly, yes, I have one. You may find it here.

Of Mice And Memory

fear conditioning
rodents hard drive memory

For once, I actually wrote about a real-life news story that I found fascinating. It can be found here. It’s based on legitimate scientific study! Honest! Dammit, nobody will ever believe me after all those well-known facts. I’m the fish who cried wolf.

Voice

what is it called when a person tells a story who is not the main character?

It’s called third-person voice. I discussed the many writing voices in this post.

Mind Bullet

“mind bullet”

I find it disturbing that someone would be searching the internet for mind bullets, especially in quotes like that. That’s top secret, secret squirrel information and the NSA is gonna get mad. The whole ridiculous mind bullet conversation can be read here.

Freaks

saline freak

Once again, saline freak made the list from the post Human Freaks.

Miscellany

And here are some other searches that I’m not quite sure where they came from:

failbook haircut

Ummm, sure. Why not.

brain fail

Yes, all the time. I have a tag for that.

writing for kids

Is that things that children can write or writing children’s books? Either way, I’m not much help.

how to make a snort in your laugh sound cute

Good luck with that. I’m not sure a snort can be cute.