Saving? What is this saving of which you speak? I heard tell that some people make enough money that, not only can they afford to pay all of their bills, but they can actually put some aside for, like, when they get old and useless or a trip to Siberia. Is that the kind of saving you’re talking about? I don’t know what that really means.

I’ve been in survival mode all my life, never thinking about the future, only thinking about the here and now. My idea of planning for the future is saying I’ll attend an event a month from now. I’ve been working poor since I started working at fifteen years old. I have been treading water ever since, just trying to keep from drowning financially. I still haven’t found land. I’m better off now that I’m working than I was a few months ago when I wasn’t, but all of the bills I put off then are due now. Every cent I earn goes to paying off my debt. Good times.

I can tell you what I should be saving for. I should be saving for retirement, for when I myself am old and useless, but somehow, I just can’t seem to fathom that far ahead. It’s exhausting to me. The thought of treading water for another 40 or 50 years is terribly depressing, so I try not to really think about it much. It’s terrible of me, I know, but I never thought I’d be as old as I am now, let alone a decrepit old lady. I really can’t think of myself as old, I mean really old, like 80. I’m incapable of it.

However, to put all the depressing, woe is me crap aside, if I had no debt, if I made more money, if I had health care, a retirement account and no financial worries, I might save for a house. I live in a house now, but it’s not mine. It would be nice to be a landowner. To own land is a lofty, respectable goal. I wouldn’t need a big house or a big patch of land. I’d only need enough land for my little house to sit on with enough property left over for my dog to run around. This little patch of dirt is mine. I own it and I will defend it with my life, or at least, my shotgun. That sounds nice. Get off my lawn!