First of all, I hate the term “social media.” It implies that these social networking sites are reliable news sources. You are not a journalist just because you have a Twitter account.

Secondly, it’s difficult enough to find the time to see people I actually know and like in the real world. I have friends whom I adore in this very city in which I live that I haven’t seen for months since the stars haven’t aligned in the proper way for it to happen.

Third, I don’t tweet, jaiku, buzz, digg, plark or bebo. The only form of social media in which I partake is Facebook. Although, I suppose Plinky and WordPress are technically social media as well. Anyway, I hate Facebook. I have more people hidden than I see. I’m not entirely sure why I even bother other than the fact that people have started using Facebook and its ilk to broadcast important happenings rather than calling or emailing people. I can’t remember the last time I got an email from someone telling me some important event in their life. It just doesn’t happen anymore. Nowadays, people tweet their news and if you’re not on the tweet list (or whatever idiotic thing they call it), you won’t know about it.

Finally, I’ve already written at length on certain things that bug the crap out of me regarding so-called social media, so I’ll just copy/paste from the posts 10 Things I Hate and 10 Things I Hate Part NEIN!:

I hate when single people who are recently no longer single put pictures of themselves and their new significant other as their profile picture on the Facebook. When I see that, it seems like that new relationship is just destined to fail. It’s like a harbinger of doom. Or even worse, when they talk about how in love they are and every little detail of their brand new relationship. That’s retarded. You just met.

I hate when new parents put pictures of their new offspring as their profile picture. That is not you. That is a different person. You are not that young. You have your own identity (maybe). If you must post your newborn on Facebook (which I’m sure, as the proud parent of a new child, it’s impossible not to do), create an album. Failing that, a picture of you holding your baby will work. I think we’ll be able to figure out which is which.

I hate people who post more than, let’s say, five status updates in a day. Even five status updates is pushing my interest level. If you post more than a few times a day and your posts are not insightful, interesting, informative or entertaining, you will get blocked.

Self-portraits. I’m alright with the occasional self-portrait, e.g. “look at my new haircut!” or “I’m standing in front of this weird thing in Denmark!”, but when you take fifty million shots of yourself and post them all, you’re just begging for attention. I won’t give it to you. You will get blocked.

Facebook arguments. Really? You’re going to argue with someone on Facebook? Sidebar that shit. No one cares about your adolescent argument.

This “check in” GPS nonsense. “Who Givesashit just checked in at Grandma’s House of Clowns!” I don’t care. I don’t care where you are now, where you will be two hours from now, and most importantly, I couldn’t care less where you were two hours ago. If I want to know, I’ll ask.

People who think they are funny but FAIL miserably. Yet, these unfunny people seem to be the ones who comment the most. Everyone seems to have at least one of these people as friends. Mine is my cousin. He’s not funny. He comments on everything I say.

Facebook statuses that mean absolutely nothing. “Well, that sucked.” What sucked? Your status update? Yes, it did. How about telling us what sucked and why? I have no idea what you are trying to say and I don’t really care enough to ask. I’ve never enjoyed knock-knock jokes. I once got fed up with ridiculous posts like that and I decided to just post random gibberish to see if people would notice. I wrote “butternut squash” since it was the first thing that came to mind. That stupid post started a whole discussion about squash. sigh

Other assorted FB nonsensery: quizzes, applications, friend requests from people I don’t know as if Facebook will bring us closer, invitations to events that I can’t attend because I live thousands of miles away, pictures of events to which I wasn’t invited, status updates about going to the gym and what you plan to do there, eating dinner, going to sleep, waking up, blinking, breathing, etc. “I woke up after I went to sleep. I was blinking! I went to the gym and did 20 squat thrusts. I ate an artichoke. I plan to breathe some more tonight.” If I really want to know every little ordinary detail of your mundane life, I will ask you. Please, try to be more creative.