Celebrity Schmelebrity

What famous person’s closet would you most like to raid?

Style? Famous person? Who give a crap? Not me, but, fine, I’ll play along.

I think I’d like a tri-corner hat, especially one with a skull and crossbones on it. Although, it’s very doubtful that pirates actually wore skull and crossbones on their hats. That would be like a criminal today wearing a baseball hat with a prison logo on it. I doubt they advertised as such. Besides, it’s a well-known fact that the skull and crossbones is more broadly attributed to corsairs than was actually true (I just made up that “well-known fact”, but it’s probably true.). Anyway, I’d like to be a pirate. Not one of these modern day Somalian bastards, but a true pirate like Anne Bonny. Although, perhaps a life at sea is not for me.

I could go the superhero route, but most female superheros have to wear stupid outfits. Actually, all superheros wear stupid outfits and women are certainly no exception. If I was fighting crime, I would prefer something comfortable with, say, lots of armor plating to a bikini. How are you supposed to fight crime if you have to fight your tights from riding up your butt crack and worrying about your boobs falling out? That’s just ridiculous. All of those superhero costumes are supremely impractical.

Hm. Well, I’ve always wanted a kimono, so maybe I’d like to steal Tokuko‘s wardrobe, consort of the Emperor Takakura. I bet the emperor’s consort had a pretty nice wardrobe. But then again, I’m not sure I could even walk in a proper kimono and those geta (wooden thongs). Maybe I’d like Tomoe Gozen‘s wardrobe instead. Realistically, I have no idea what ancient female Japanese warriors wore though. It might be something even more confining than the kimono.

Then there are women like Calamity Jane and Annie Oakley who shunned the hoop skirt in favor of tomboy attire. And while this concept pleases me, I am not all that fond of the fact that, in order to be taken at all seriously by their male peers, they had no other choice but to dress in a more male fashion. Besides, I bet those pelts smelled after a while since indoor plumbing didn’t exist yet.

The problem is, women throughout history have had to squeeze themselves into the most uncomfortable, ridiculous clothing possible. Hoop skirts, corsets, high heels, the burka… these are all nonsensical things to wear. They limit your mobility. They are uncomfortable. Even though I have quite a few pair of high heels in my closet, I wear them by choice, not because it’s a societally acceptable thing to do, not because I have no other recourse. So, while there are plenty of options from which to choose, I think I’ll stick with my own wardrobe, thanks. Besides, my shoe collection is coming along nicely.

Powered by Plinky