The Bankrupt of Drat

Dear Diary,
I will be taking a hiatus from you for a while. You see, now I am a bank. Be back with money soon.
Love,
Drat

Dear Government,
I am a bank. Please give me some bailout money. Thanks.
Love,
The Bank Of Drat

Dear “Bank” Of Drat,
No.
Love,
The Government

Dear The Government,
Really, I’m a bank. See, it’s right there in my name. I promise to only hoard maybe 90% of the bailout money.
Love,
The Bank Of Drat

no reply

Dear Blast,
The Bank Of Drat is declaring bankruptcy. Can I get some of your money?
Love,
The Bank Of Drat
P.S. I don’t need that much, maybe a million or two… You won’t even notice. Really.

Dear Bank Of Drat,
Who is your daddy?
Love,
Blast

Dear Blast,
You are.
Love,
The Bank Of Drat
P.S. Please? With sugar on top?

Dear Bank Of Drat,
You misunderstand. Is your daddy someone rich, powerful, famous, and/or has he hosted a game show? Answer soon.
Love,
Blast

Dear Blast,
Oh, no. My dad is not rich nor famous, but you can be my daddy for a couple of mil.
Love,
The Bank Of Drat

Dear Bank Of Drat,
Ha Ha Ha. You foolish member of the Ignorant and Meddlesome Masses. Go to work and pay your taxes like a good little drone, and leave me alone.
Love,
Your Daddy

Dear Daddy,
You suck. Gimme money.
Love,
The former, now bankrupt, Bank Of Drat

Dear Bankrupt Of Drat,
No.
Love,
Blast

Dear Drat,
Why do you hate America? This is just a friendly note to let you know you’re now on the NSA watch list. Please don’t travel outside of the US without letting us know first, okay? And by the way, you should water that plant. It looks like it’s dying.
Love,
The Government

Dear The Government,
Which plant?
Love,
Drat

Dear Plant Murderer and Terrorist Bank Of Drat,
The one in your bedroom on the windowsill next to your collection of Richard Simmons bobblehead dolls.
Love,
The Government