Search Words Part 2

It’s been a few months months since I did the first Search Words post. I figure I might as well make this a regular thing just to see what you people on the internet are looking for and how you make your way here.

Natural Disasters
After I published the first Search Words post, Natural Disasters was promoted to Freshly Pressed, which skewed my stats dramatically. The most popular post on this site before that, World’s Dumbest Cat, had its all-time record shattered tenfold in the span of only one day.

Considering how many natural disasters we’ve had of late, it’s not surprising that a lot of people have been looking for information. Sadly, I have none of any value here. Most of my facts are just made-up. For instance, did you know that dinosaurs were the first creatures to walk on the moon? Some natural disaster searches include:

does unusual weather happen before an earthquake
No, it doesn’t. “Earthquake weather” is just a myth.
Earthquake preparedness
Yes, be prepared. You should have water, canned food, basic first aid supplies, flashlights, a battery-operated radio and a baseball bat on hand.
what’s the scariest natural disaster
They’re all pretty scary, but I don’t know which is the scariest. I guess it would be whichever one you find yourself confronting.
what people can do to protect themselves once the earthquake starts
I’m not the right person to ask since I generally just stand there like an idiot until it’s over.
natural disasters nowadays
They ain’t what they used to be. Actually, they are almost exactly what they used to be.
national disasters everywhere
I know it seems that way. What’s a national disaster anyway?
san francisco earthquake 1906 building code
No building code information here. Sorry about that.
should i move back to my home state if i fear nature disasters?
Well, I suppose it depends on where your home is and what kind of natural disasters are scariest to you. In any case, I don’t think this is a question for the internet. The internet is not a Magic 8 Ball. You should probably give it some thought and decide on your own.
atomic bomb scarier then natural disaster
Um, I’m not sure. For one thing, an atomic bomb is man-made while natural disasters are not (necessarily). So, it seems to me the lack of control we humans have over a natural disaster is scarier than one created and leased upon the world by mankind. What do you think?
hazards that have happened at bowling centers
This is my favorite. I wonder if there’s a list of bowling alley disasters on the internet somewhere. There probably is because the internet has everything. I heart you, Internet.

The World’s Dumbest Cat
The World’s Dumbest Cat is still hanging in there at #2 as the most popular post on this site. Some cat related searches besides just the usual and a thousand variations of the word dumbest from “dumest” to “dummest” to “dumpest:”

my cat looks like swallowed a football
Yup, I know what that’s like. Me too. Good luck with your oddly shaped cat.
why my norwegian forest cat bends his tale
In my experience, most cats do. I’m not sure why though.
norwegian forest cat toys mowth owpen
That’s a whole lot of erroneous Ws.
norskskogkatten ford prefect
Skogkatt, Skaukatt, Norsk Skogkatt and Norsk Skogkatten are all alternate names for the Norwegian Forest Cat. In the dumb cat post, I mention The Hitchkiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Ford Prefect, a character from the same. But what baffles me is why anyone would be searching for that. I find it intriguingly awesome.

Snow Day
I wrote a post called Snow Day which turned out to be incredibly timely since it spawned a lot of searches on snow days:

what to do on a snow day
Well, you’ve got a good start as to what to do since you have the internet.
Has Los Angeles ever had a snow day?
I’m not sure. But considering how poorly people around here drive in the rain, if it ever snows, I’m not leaving my house.
digging out my car from under a mountain of snow
I’ve been there. I talked about it in that post. I’m not sure if this person was looking for instructions or not, but I would suggest a shovel.
how many times snow in what day
What? I didn’t catch that.
how many snow days has boston had
A lot.
how maby snow days are we aloud
Well, you are aloud [sic] as maby [sic] as are necessary, I’d reckon.

Valentine’s Day is Evil
I wrote a post called Valentine’s Day is Evil and apparently a lot of people agree since I had a shit ton of people use search words like:

valentine’s day evil
the real history about valentines day evil
the evil things about valentine
evil facts about valentines day
st valentine’s day is evil
valentine’s day is evil, history
evil of valentines
st valentine’s day evil
where did valentines day is it evil
valentines day rants about corporate nonsense

And well, it goes on forever.

Fish and Bowls
Then there are the usual fish, fishbowl, goldfish searches. I still wonder what the hell these people are really looking for:

i hate goldfish
the fishbowl bok
different words for like a fish bowl
fish cliches

i’m not right in the fishbowl
Well, it’s probably true, but you didn’t have to come out and say it like that.
fish bowl joseph conrad
bukowski fish
It’s interesting to me that two of my favorite authors would be searched along with fish words.
fire in the fishbowl
I think that’s fairly improbable unless they’ve invented a fish that lives in gasoline. I suppose you could remove all the water (and hopefully, the fish), replace it with flammable things, like gasoline, and set it on fire. It sounds like a lot of work though.
fish bowl religion
Hm. Not a bad idea. Maybe I should start one.
welcome to the fish bowl lyrics
Sorry, I’ve never written a song. If I had, I can assure you that no one would care what the lyrics were because they’d run screaming from the room as soon as I started singing.
fishbowl stacks shoes
Yes! I would love some stack shoes. It reminds me of that Simpson’s episode where Disco Stu has a pair, but the goldfish are dead.
a fishbowl of nonsenses
Is there any other kind of fishbowl besides a fishbowl of nonsense? This fishbowl certainly has quite a few nonsenses [sic] anyway.
appropriate things to say about death of a goldfish
It was a good goldfish. The best goldfish ever. Flush.
pageant fishbowl question
This one made the list again. If you are the person searching for “pageant fishbowl question,” please, tell me, what does that mean? I’m curious.

The Amendments
There have been a slew of amendment searches. I find this encouraging. It’s nice to know that people are interested in their government and that the constitution is still somewhat relevant:

how can the first amendment be improved?
how would you change the first amendment
First, 1st, I, 1 amendment
Second, 2nd, II, 2 amendment

To find out how I’d change the First Amendment, read The New & Improved First Amendments Part 1 & Part 2.

Also related to the First Amendment are these:

religion amendment
abolish jebus
I’m for it. Sign me up.

I wrote a post about my Synesthesia in the hopes that I’d find others like me. Occasionally, someone will search for it:

describing blue using synesthesia
synesthesia wordpress
auditory-color synesthesia


what does eating bacon at a pink floyd concert mean?
I haven’t the foggiest idea. Nor do I know why that led you to this blog.
I wrote a post where I mentioned Krasnikov tubes, which are a kind of wormhole. Yay for science!
ever peed while in traffic on road trip
Aw, man. You’re going to make me admit this twice, internet? Fine. Yes, I have. I wrote about it here.
I don’t know what it is, but I like it.
maytals my daily food lyrics
I wrote a post that mentioned Toots & The Maytals, but I don’t know anything about daily food lyrics.
“don’t read much contemporary fiction”
Me either, although I’m trying to broaden my literary horizons.
welcome speech for new boss
Let me think… Nope, I’ve got nothing. I’d probably start with “Welcome!”
night’s dark beyond darkness
Guh. I’d recognize that terrible line anywhere. This one got here because of my dissection of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.
why i don’t write poetry
Because I suck at it? You can see how badly in this post.
i hate interrupters
Me too. I wrote about them in 10 Things I Hate Part 5.
describing laughing in written form
people with terrible laughs
describe the best laugh
What does my laugh sound like
These all got here because of my post Describe The Sound Of Your Own Laugh, but why would anyone ask the internet what their laugh sounds like?
what books to read to children at the job interview
What does that mean?
wordpress templates, sandwich
I don’t know about you, but I always search for WP templates and sandwiches at the same time. It’s called multi-tasking.
search words
Isn’t searching the internet for search words going to break something in the time/space continuum? Seems to me that “search words” being an actual search word is somehow wrong.

More search word fun can be found here.