One Body Part I'd Change

What’s one body part you’d like to change?


Insecure much, Plinky? Am I supposed to imagine that I hate my thighs, I think my butt is too big, or that my right arm and I have never really got along?  No, thank you. That kind of ridiculous self-searching is not for me. I’m not one for vain frippery. I’m perfectly content with what I have, and if I’m ever not, I can get my lazy ass to the gym more often and stop eating ice cream sandwiches. I have all of the body parts I need. All of them are built to spec and function within normal parameters.

However, if I could change one body part, I might give myself 20/20 vision. Wearing glasses and contacts is a drag, and I’m too lily-livered to get that laser surgery thing done. I’ve seen enough early science fiction movies and I know what they can do. Lasers are scary and I don’t want them coming anywhere near my eyeballs.

Actually, what am I thinking? This question doesn’t limit what can be changed or how. In that case, I’d give myself 20/20 vision, night vision, thermal imaging and X-ray vision, too. It be awesome to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, switch on my night vision and never trip over anything again.

But then again, now that I could change anything, perhaps I’m being too short-sighted (sorry for the pun) about this. Perhaps I’d like to change my brain instead. I might want to change my brain so that it functions better than it ever did. I’d give myself a photographic memory and unlock all of the super-smarts hidden within. Everything I ever learned would be available to me at the snap of my fingers. I’d only have to read something once. That would come in mighty handy.

Or, maybe I might want a bionic arm with a kung fu grip. I could crush things with my mighty arm and be my own jaws of life. I could become a vigilante, saving the weak from the evil. That might not be a bad career choice. I’m not sure how much money is in the field of vigilantism these days, but there are a lot of people in need of saving and even more in need of a good backhanded swipe from a bionic arm.

I could give myself super hearing. I’d be able to hear conversations from miles away. Actually, scratch that one. I can think of nothing more annoying than to be able to hear conversations from miles away.

I could add gills to my lungs. I could breathe underwater and explore the unexplored majority of the Earth. Swimming with the whales might be nice, although, I’m not sure I could keep up with them since I wouldn’t have fins or a tail.

Speaking of tails, a prehensile tail would certainly come in handy for all sorts of things. How many times have you been doing something only to wish you had a third arm? Well, if I had a prehensile tail, I would in a sense. I could hang upside down from rafters. I could swing from jungle vines with ease. And I certainly would be a lot harder to knock over since my tail would help to balance me. I could hold the frying pan with my tail while cracking an egg with both hands. I’ve still not perfected the one-handed egg crack.

So many body parts, so many options, but when it comes down to it, I don’t think I’d want to change anything about myself. I like being me just the way I am, even with all my scars and faults and imperfect vision, well, maybe not the imperfect vision.

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