I haven’t been writing much on here partly because I’m trying to write my life story. Autobiographies are harder to write than one would suppose. So far, I’ve made it through the introduction and part of the first chapter. I keep getting stuck. Not unlike my life; I am very stuck indeed.

This is now the third writing project (and by far the hardest) that I have started in the past few years. The other two projects are stuck as well. I just bought index cards yesterday because I’ve had two separate writers on two separate occasions tell me that they are helpful in visualizing a story arc. We’ll see. They are sitting on my kitchen counter neatly surrounded by the plastic in which they came. So far, they’re not really helpful in visualizing anything.

I’d like to think I’m not the type to start something and not finish it, but my artwork, unfortunately, proves otherwise. Whenever I get stuck on a drawing or painting, I display it in a prominent part of my house so that I’ll be forced to look at it on a daily basis. After enough passes, I usually see something that I hadn’t seen before, fix it, and then repeat the process. Before I consider any piece finished, it sits out for 2 or 3 days for last minute touch ups. Once that’s done, I spray the hell out of it with fixative so that I can’t go back and mess with it any more, because I surely would. If it weren’t for fixative, nothing would ever be done in my eyes.

However, I currently have two pieces ‘on display:’ a painting and a drawing. I have decided not to complete the painting. I like it in it’s unfinished state. The drawing is another story. The eye is about a quarter inch too high. This may seem like a lot, but the whole drawing is about four feet high, so a quarter inch really isn’t that much. It took me several months of passing by to figure out that that is what’s wrong with it. Now that I see the problem, one would think it would be a simple fix, but for some reason, I haven’t touched it. As much as that revision process may (or may not) work with my artwork, you can’t really display writing that way. It’s not as visual.

I think part of the problem is that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I really don’t know how to write. I don’t know how to draw or paint either. I took a few art classes here and there but I never really delved into the learning process. Everything was just a matter of trial and error. After years of creating arty stuff in a lot of different mediums, I can safely say that I have it pretty well mastered. I could draw anyone or anything with enough time and effort.

As far as writing goes, even though I’ve done it all my life, I really have no idea how to write a cohesive, interesting work that spans a lifetime. That’s why I’m open to suggestion. That’s why I bought index cards yesterday. That’s why I am stuck. And there is no fixative for writing.