Hello, people of the internet. Come on in. The water’s fine.

I’m not sure if I have any people anymore really; my posting here has been so sporadic over the last few years. I don’t blame you for abandoning me.

Yesterday, I wanted to post something, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. As is my wont in such cases, I was poking around on FOG looking for inspiration. I suppose it’s strange to seek inspiration from oneself, but I find that I am the best writer in bloggerdom (settle down, I’m kidding).

Really though, when I can’t think of anything to say, I often look through my old posts. I found a page labeled Guest Posts and was sad to find that most of the links to my guest posts over the years no longer work. Quite a few of the blogs on which I posted no longer exist.

Most of my guest posts are just random silliness, but there are a few that I wanted to preserve, particularly my guest posts on the Outlier Collective and Black Box Warnings. I had already published my BBW post, but I did not publish my Outlier Collective post. I usually write my guest posts here before posting them elsewhere, so I still had it saved in my drafts.

Therefore, yesterday, I published a new post from 9 years ago. How can it be a new post from 9 years ago, you may rightfully query? Even though I published it yesterday, the date on the post is October 2014. It’s confusing, I know. Also, that was 9 friggin’ years ago already? Good grief.

I thought it would just stealthily slot into the old posts, which it did, but it also seems to have notified some of you that I published a new post from 9 years ago. Sorry for the confusion. Still, I think it’s a pretty good post, so I recommend reading it. It contains elephants and unicorn horns.

What else is up? Well, my depression has reared its head again. I suppose that’s not exactly correct, since it never goes away. To rephrase, my depression has found another loophole in my antidepressant-laden brain.

Because of aforementioned antidepressants, it can’t yell in my face anymore, so it has taken to pecking at me indirectly. It has sneakily sapped my motivation. I have been working from home since Covid, and lately, the “working” part of that phrase has been absent; I’ve mostly just been “from home.”

You see, my depression has flanked me. Its thinking is thus: if it hides my motivation, I won’t get my work done. If I don’t get my work done, I’ll get fired and then we can hole up in bed forever together with the ultimate goal of ending this dumb thing called life. In the meantime, it will load me up with anxiety over getting fired, which just makes it impossible to sleep or get anything done. Win-win, says my depression.

Basically, my own brain wants me to die. Seriously, what kind of survival instinct is that? Who evolved such a thing and why? I have a bone to pick with this system. My brain is antithetical to what a brain should be. I have an anti-brain. Is it just tired of running everything?

My struggle recently has been getting out of bed. What an idiotic struggle to have. A lot of people are desperately trying to survive another day. I’m doing the same, but not because I don’t have basic necessities or bombs are falling on my head, but because my own brain is trying to kill me. Ridiculous.

Rationally, I know it’s ridiculous, but since my brain is responsible for thinking and typing these words, and wanting to kill me, it’s an insidious enemy to have. Brains: can’t live with ’em… Sigh.

FYI: Don’t worry. I will continue this stupid fight with my brain until I die of some cause other than myself. I have no intention of letting it win.

Anyway, that’s all I got. How have you been since last we chatted?

P.S. I just realized it’s November and therfore NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. I am clearly not doing either, but a belated good luck to all who are more motivated than this lazy fish. I miss my Tiny Pepper friends.

---

Read more Weekend Coffee Share posts hosted by Natalie The Explorer.