Hello, Internet. Welcome back to Dear Goldfish, the (not technically) weekly series where I answer real questions asked by our studio audience, in other words, you. The following questions have been submitted by people who typed words into search engines with no editing or censoring.
why do i always change what tattoo i want?
Well, hopefully, the “want” part of that question means that you haven’t gotten one yet, because it’s much harder to change a tattoo once you’ve gotten it. Until you don’t change what you want, I’d recommend not getting one.
what did we do before trees?
I’m pretty sure that trees were here before we were.
what makes me awesome?
I have no idea. I don’t even know who you are or that you are actually awesome.
germany in the sound of music?
Actually, no, that was Austria.
poignant universe vastness light billioms?
Yes! Whatever the hell that means, it sounds very deep.
pro’s and con’s of not talking to your pet?
Well, I’m not sure that there are pros and cons of talking to your pets. Mine don’t seem to mind if I talk to them. In fact, my dog loves when I talk to her, but she refuses to do the adorable head tilt.
I say, go ahead and talk to your pets. It can’t hurt.
before we had phones waht did we use?
We yelled a lot.
Before phones, we had telegraphs.
And before telegraphs we had snail mail.
And before snail mail, we had boats, horses and feet.
the almighty defenestrator au79?
I recognize that chemical symbol and atomic number. That’s gold! It never made much sense to me that gold would be au, but there you have it. Did you know that au also stands for astronomical unit? An au is roughly the distance from Earth to the Sun (about 150 million kilometers, 93 million miles).
Anyway, we’re off track. The Almighty Defenestrator sounds like an awesome name for a comic book villain.
The only part of that I recognize is tattoo, so this is probably going to be a terrible question.
It’s German and it says… tattoo templates dream catcher. Why would the Germans have a word for dreamcatcher, which is a Native American tradition? I suppose they just mashed the words “dream” and “catcher” together like we did.
Anyway, the answer is no, do not do it.
psych bands you have never heard of?
I’ve never heard of a psych band at all, whatever that is, so, I guess the answer is all of them.
Also, for future reference, you can’t really ask someone to tell you something they’ve never heard of, since they’ve, you know, never heard of it.
Russian. I have a lot of Russian visitors. Let’s see what the translator says you’re asking… person demones.
Well, that translation doesn’t really help since it doesn’t make any sense. Go ahead and pick the appropriate response of your choice:
Hm. Yes, I have some. I’m also very fond of that word and have used it quite a bit.
boys name that means algea?
Let’s see… how about Algae. That’s a pretty gender neutral name I would think.
was britain fully committed to suprsing the american revolution?
That’s an interesting question. I find it odd that the only part of the question you flubbed was the verby part, so that I’m not sure whether you mean suppressing or surprising. I’m going to assume you mean suppressing since surprising the American Revolution seems like an odd thing to do. SURPRISE!
I’m not a history scholar, but I’d say that, yes, Britain was pretty durn committed to suppressing the American Revolution.
things peopel can’t handle?
Apparently, spelling would be one. Let’s see, what else? Spent uranium rods would be very bad for people to handle. Also, molten lava or acid. Don’t handle those without proper safety equipment.
girls are stupid?
No, girls are not stupid. Well, some are, but as a general rule, they’re not. Also, some boys are stupid. And some have cooties. So there.
Well, that’s just about all we have time for today. Remember, you can submit your own question to Dear Goldfish. Thanks for joining us and be sure to come back for more Dear Goldfish next week! Thank you and good night!