I’m going on vacation. I’m going to show up at all of your houses with my dog. We’re going to eat up all of your potato chips and use up all of your hot water. I promise that I won’t overstay my welcome, not that I was welcomed in the first place. Expect me this evening.
Really, it’s 2014. Why don’t we have instant travel yet? Why does it take hours and hours just to get to the other side of my country? Where is my flying car? If we had instant travel, I would eat up your potato chips with glee. I would like to be here now:
It would be really nice to sit outside on a spring evening drinking tea with some of you. I wonder what you’re like. Even those of you who post pictures of yourselves and vlogs, I wonder what you’re like. Videos don’t show me how tall you are or how you walk.
I wonder what you think I look like. We rarely see ourselves through other’s eyes. I wonder what your eyes see. For those of you paying attention, I’ve dropped clues here and there, but even if I posted a vlog, which I never would, you still wouldn’t know. You can’t really know someone until they’re sitting across a table from you.
The sad fact is, I probably won’t ever meet any of you. I’m way too shy and I fear that if I showed the face behind the fish, it would take away my ability to really write. I’m afraid that if I didn’t have my anonymity, I wouldn’t be able to share like I do. I would make a terrible celebrity. Maybe it’s a good thing we don’t have instant travel.
This has been a shit week punctuated by moments of shittiness. I haven’t had much time for this blog or any of you. I’ve barely read your words and today, this last day of shit, won’t be any better than its predecessors, but we soldier on, marching towards the weekend.
I’m not very happy with everything. In fact, I pretty much hate everything that isn’t contained within the boundaries of my mailing address. Is this all there is? This is the best that life can offer? It’s pretty goddamn disappointing. I’ve struggled and scraped and crawled to get here, to stay here, and this is all I get. It could always be worse, but fuck worse. I want better, dammit.
I want a life where I don’t have to count pennies. I want security and freedom and not to cringe late at night awake in the dark. I want more deep belly laughs and inside jokes. I want spring evenings with tea. I want more knowledge. I want to sing, but all I can do is hum.
Anyway, this post is very much like my whole life; scattered and forlornly bereft of purpose. I have nothing to say today other than you’re beautiful and I love you just the way you are. Thanks for being here. Don’t expect a fish vlog anytime soon.