I’ve been working on this post for a long time, compiling songs and finding just the right mix. I decided to break it into three distinct parts because each part deserves its own post and because I don’t really want the perspectives touching, if that makes any sense.
This is Part 1 of the 3-part abuse mix tape, where we hear the abuser’s voice. I’ve had two abusers: a pedophile and a domestic abuser. For the sake of expediency, I have mixed both monsters together here. This is the worst post in the series. It does get better from here. I promise.
I’m hoping this process will be cathartic, but I guess we’ll see. These are songs from an abuser’s perspective as I see it, so warning: triggers ahoy.
Floor – Tales Of Lolita
Don’t you think it’s time we made love?
I don’t want to wait until you’re old enough
The time is coming for you to be bringing me down
Don’t you think it’s time we made love?
I don’t want to wait until you’re old enough
The time is coming for you to be taking me down
Pink Floyd – Don’t Leave Me Now
Ooooh, babe
Don’t leave me now
Don’t say it’s the end of the road
Remember the flowers I sent
I need you, babe
To put through the shredder
In front of my friends
Ooooh, babe
Don’t leave me now
How could you go?
When you know how I need you
To beat to a pulp on a Saturday night
Ooooh, babe
Don’t leave me now
How can you treat me this way
Running away
Ooooh, babe
Why are you running away?
Ooooh, babe
Faith No More – Edge Of The World
Come here, my love
I’ll tell you a secret
Come closer, now
I want you to believe it
I’ll tell you all the things
You want to hear
Don’t worry, baby
There’s nothing to fear
Hey, little girl
Would you like some candy?
Look into my eyes
I’ve seen it all
Hand in hand
Together we fall
We’ll sing and dance
And we’ll find romance
And we’ll stroll to the edge of the world
Come sit right down
Lay your head on my shoulder
It’s not the point
That I’m forty years older
You can trust me
I’m no criminal
But I’d kill my mother
To be with you
We’ll sing and dance
And we’ll find romance
And we’ll stroll to the edge of the world
Give me a smile
Let me see those pearlies
I’ll do anything
For the little girlies…
The Beatles – Run For Your Life
Well I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won’t know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl
Well you know that I’m a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind
And I can’t spend my whole life
Trying just to make you toe the line
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl
Let this be a sermon
I mean everything I’ve said
Baby, I’m determined
And I’d rather see you dead
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl
I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won’t know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl
Pat Travers – Boom Boom (Out Go The Lights)
No kiddin’
I’m ready to fight
I’ve been lookin’ for my baby all night
If I get her in my sight
Boom boom! RIGHT HERE! Out go the lights!
No kiddin’
I’m ready to go
When I find her boy don’t you know
If I get her in my sights
Boom boom! WHAT IS IT? Out go the lights!
I thought I treat my baby fair
I just found out she don’t want me here
If I get her in my sights
Boom boom! COME ON! Out go the lights!
I never felt this mad before
When I just found out she don’t want me no more
If I get her in my sights
Boom boom! COME ON! Out go the lights!
No kiddin’
I’m ready to fight
I’ve been lookin’ for my baby all night
If I get her in my sights
Boom boom! ONE MORE! Out go the lights!
Nirvana – Polly
Polly wants a cracker
I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch
Isn’t me, have a seed
Let me clip your dirty wings
Let me take a ride, cut yourself
Want some help, help myself
Got some rope, you have been told
Promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, cut yourself
Want some help, help myself
Polly wants a cracker
Maybe she would like some food
She asked me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few
Isn’t me, have a seed
Let me clip dirty wings
Let me take a ride, cut yourself
Want some help, help myself
Got some rope, you have been told
Promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, cut yourself
Want some help, help myself
Polly said
Polly says her back hurts
She’s just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard
Amazes me the will of instinct
Isn’t me, have a seed
Let me clip dirty wings
Let me take a ride, cut yourself
Want some help, help myself
Got some rope, you have been told
Promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, cut yourself
Want some help, help myself
Tool – Prison Sex
I was so young and vestal then,
you know it hurt me,
but I’m breathing so I guess I’m still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
I’ve got my hands bound and
my head down and my eyes closed,
half-closed, wide open.
Do unto others, what has been done to you.
I’m treading water,
I need to sleep a while.
My lamb and martyr, you look so precious.
Won’t you come on up closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this,
I can’t stand to burn too long.
Release in sodomy.
Oh, for one sweet moment I am whole.
Do unto you now, what has been done to me,
Do unto you now, what has been done
You’re breathing so I guess you’re still alive
even if signs seem to tell me otherwise.
Won’t you come on a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this.
I need this to make me whole.
Release in sodomy.
For I am your witness and
blood and flesh can be trusted.
And only this one holy medium brings me peace of mind.
Got your hands bound, your head down,
your eyes closed.
You look so precious now.
Show me something
Thought I could make it end
Thought I could wash the stains away
Thought I could break the circle if I
Slipped right into your skin
So sweet was your surrender
We have become one
I have become my terror
And you my precious lamb and martyr.
I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this
shit, blood, and cum on my hands.
I’ve…come…round…full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over, soon.
You look so precious.
You look so precious, now,
You look so precious…
Rollins Band – Liar
So, you think you’re going to live your life alone
In darkness and seclusion… yeah, I know
You’ve been out there and tried to mix with the animals
And it just left you full of humiliated confusion
But the feeling of loneliness never leaves you
It just haunts you everywhere you go
And then, you meet me
And your whole world changes
Because everything I say is everything you’ve ever wanted to hear
So you drop your defenses, and you drop all your fears
And you’re so busy feeling good that you never question why things are going so well
You want to know why?
’cause I’m a liar, yeah, I’m a liar
I’ll tear your mind up, I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me, I’ll turn you into me
’cause I’m a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar…
I’ll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes
And I’ll tell you things that you already know so you can say:
I really identify with you so much
I’ll come to you like an affliction then I’ll leave you like an addiction
You’ll never forget me… you wanna know why?
cause I’m a liar, yeah, I’m a liar
I’ll tear your mind up, I’ll burn your soul
I’ll turn you into me, I’ll turn you into me
’cause I’m a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar…
I don’t know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain
Maybe it’s something inside, maybe it’s something I can’t explain
’cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you
I’m a liar, ooh, I’m a liar
But if you’ll give me another chance I swear I’ll never lie to you again
’cause now I see the destructive power of a lie,
They’re stronger than truth
I can’t believe I ever hurt you, I swear I will never lie to you again
Please, just give me more chance, I’ll never lie to you again,
No, I swear, I will never tell a lie, I will never tell a lie, no, no
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sucker! Sucker! Sucker!
I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar
I like it, I feel good, I am a liar, yeah
I lie, I lie, I lie
I lie again and again, and I’ll keep lying
I promise
Sex Pistols – No Feelings
I’ve seen you in the mirror when the story began
I fell in love with you
I love your mortal sin
Your brains are locked away
But I love your company
I only ever leave you
When you got no money
I got no emotions for anybody else
You better understand
I’m in love with myself
Myself
My beautiful self
I’ve no feeling
I’ve no feeling
I’ve no feeling
For anybody else
Hello and goodbye
And a runaround Sue
You follow me around like a pretty pot of glue
I kick you in the head
You got nothing to say
Get out of the way cause I gotta getaway
You never realize I take the piss out of you
You come up and see me and I beat you black and blue
All day
I’ll send you away
I’ve no feeling
I’ve no feeling
I’ve no feeling
For anybody else
Except for myself
My beautiful selfish
There ain’t no moonlight after midnight
I see you silly people out looking for delight
Well, I’m so happy
I’m feeling so fine
I’m watching all the rubbish wasting my time
I look around your house
You got nothing to steal
I kick you in the brains when you get down to kneel
I pray
You pray to your god
I’ve no feeling
I’ve no feeling
I’ve no feeling
For anybody else
Except for myself
Your daddy’s gone away
Be back another day
See his picture hanging on your wall
Ozzy Osbourne – Mr. Tinker Train
Come a little closer
I’m gonna show you a brand new world tonight
Ready made just for you and me
Once you’re there I’m gonna take you for a ride
To take you to the other side
I got a one way ticket
So come along and don’t be shy
They call Mr. Tinker Train
That’s how I got to get my name
They call me Mr. Tinker Train
So come along and play my game
You’ll never be the same
Beneath my wing it’s gonna be alright
A little secret just for you and me
Manmade and a bit obscene
Little angel come and sit upon my knee
Never be the same
Mr. Tinker Train
Can you say Mr. Tinker Train?
No use crying ’cause you can’t go back
Now you’re here to stay
You can’t run, you can’t hide
You can’t tell me what I feel inside
Mr. Tinker Train
What’s how I go to get my name
They call me Mr. Tinker Train
So come along and play my game
That’s why they call me Mr. Tinker Train
Axehandle – Face Down
I’m the one getting tired of
Complications and denials
A loss of hope a loss of speed
Leaves me face down in misery
You’re the cause you’re disease
Keep it down, walk with ease
This constant dance with ego’s breeze
Leaves us face down with no relief
Now I’m the one you hate inside
I’ll beat you down in stride
Leave you empty, leave you drained
Leave you face down in your pain
Alabama Thunderpussy – Sociopath Shitlist
Encroaching injustice
Whipping your hide
Sending you reeling
Towards suicide
Finding it failing
Turn to the blade
Can’t kill yourself
Someone will pay
Bringing it down from above
Revenge is far too sweet
Digging in deep to the bone
Hacking away
It seems so simple
To take another’s life
When you lack a conscience
But you have a knife
Strangling stress knots
White knuckle ride
Motherfucker’s are useless
You’re all gonna die
Bringing it down from above
Revenge is far too sweet
Digging in deep to the bone
Hacking away
Sociopathic drive
Fueling the urge to kill
Psychopathic mind
Controls the will
Voices in my mind
Screaming Kill! Kill! Kill!
Death’s the ultimate high
Wanna feel the thrill?
With your blood all over me
I can taste your pain
Your screams caressing
my fucked up brain
Stare into your dying eyes
Breathing your last breath
Drawing ever so close
To your death
With your blood all over me
I can taste your pain
Your screams caressing
my fucked up brain
Stare into your dying eyes
Sucking your last breath
Drawing ever so close
To your death
Off you go
Off you go
Crossed off my shit list
Fish Of Gold 