Merbear wrote a thought-provoking post about things that cross her personal line. It got me thinking what the things are that I just can’t tolerate. I don’t find any of these things funny.

1. Pedophilia

In all its forms. I really can’t stand hearing about it. I don’t find jokes about it funny. If I hear a joke about it, I won’t ever repeat it, except now:

How do you make a five-year old cry twice?
Wipe your dick on her teddy bear.

Clever, yes. Gross and wrong, yes. That joke isn’t funny. It’s about a five-year old being sexually assaulted. I can’t laugh at that.

2. Domestic violence

In the same vein as sexual abuse is domestic abuse. I lived with a psychopath for eight years. It left big old scars that are still healing.

What’s the opposite of domestic violence?
A good sandwich.

Domestic violence is not funny. It doesn’t make you a big man. It makes you an asshole.

3. Animal abuse

Everything from dog fighting to neglect just pisses me right off. Animals, like children, are innocent. They rely on us for love, care and support. We are their worlds. Anyone who would ever hurt an animal in any way should be forced to undergo the same thing.

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
Banned from the petting zoo.

Perhaps my imagination is just too vivid, but jokes about animal abuse aren’t funny.

4. Racism, bigotry & stereotypes

I am of the firm belief that all humans are the same species. I know! Crazy, right? How can a drag queen in Brooklyn and a devout Muslim in Islamabad be anything alike?! But they are. We are all Homo sapiens. Regardless of sexual orientation, weight, skin color or belief, we are all the same.

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party.

I don’t find any stereotypical, racist, homophobic, prejudiced, or bigoted jokes funny.

5. Demeaning women

I don’t speak for anyone else with a vagina. I can only speak for me and I would like the same courtesy in return. I expect equal pay for equal work. I don’t want to be called “honey,” “babe,” or be told to go fetch coffee in the workplace. I have a brain, even though I am a natural blonde, and if you give me the respect I am due, I will do an excellent job.

How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

T-shirts on motorcyclists that say “If you can read this, the bitch fell off” aren’t funny. Jokes about my gender being weak, lesser, bad drivers or stupid because of their hair color aren’t funny. Any joke that expects me barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen isn’t funny. It sets all of us back. That is not progress.

What are your off-limit topics? Let’s see if we can keep Mer’s post going.