Hello, Internet. Welcome back to Dear Goldfish, the (so-called) weekly series where I answer real questions asked by our studio audience, in other words, you. The following questions have been submitted by people who typed words into search engines with no editing or censoring.
monster goldfish found?
Yes, monster goldfish are taking over Lake Tahoe!
This picture is clearly not photoshopped at all. Clearly.
Better watch out. The monster goldfish’ll getcha!
Is that a girl’s bike from the 1970s?
That bike is pretty sweet. I’d ride that.
Yes, I suppose sissies get huffy from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with that. Leave the sissy be.
jesus is my universe?
OK then. My universe is slightly larger:
Wave for the camera.
when you are upset t-rex making a bed?
I would never get upset if a T-Rex decided to make my bed. Although, I can’t see how they could with those tiny arms.
how to write message to my dead grangmothet on facebook?
Well, seeing as your grandmother is dead, I don’t think she’ll really see it, but go ahead and post it anyway. It will probably make you feel better.
crayon color draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw ‘?
Um. That’s a lot of draw. I don’t really draw in crayon anymore. I draw on the computer.
if money didn’t matter,job you choose?
If money didn’t matter, I’d be a blog writer who doodles on the computer. So, basically, I guess I’d do what I do now without the day job.
Awww. My favorite kind of boys. Here you go.
Paul Simonon is dreamy.
remove an old mountain family curse?
Sorry, I don’t really know how to do that. Here, let me try:
Dearest old mountain,
Why hast thou curs’t our reader?
Please, to remove it.
superstitions regarding goldfish?
See monster goldfish entry above.
wassily kandinsky siyah yay ile birlikte resmi?
Ooh, Turkish. Translate says that means “Wassily Kandinsky picture with black bow.” OK, here’s a picture of Kandinsky wearing a black bow tie. Hope that helps.
famous graphic designs of animals?
Thanks! While I’ve done a lot of graphic design doodles of animals, I don’t think any of them are famous just yet. The goldfish up there has been seen over 50K times if that counts.
optima linija tualetinis popierius?
Welcome, Lithuanian visitor! Translate says you’re asking for “Optima line of toilet paper.” Really? You came all the way here from Lithuania to ask about toilet paper? I am disappoint.
write a story about what you would put in your pocket 1 fish 2 fish draw fish in the fishbowl and write how many?
OK… Wait, what? That doesn’t even make any sense.
real images of demons?
I hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing. Demons don’t really exist as such, or at least, they’ve never been photographed.
draw a fox?
I already did.
how big can goldfish get?
Still not photoshopped at all.
I’ve only scrolled down halfway though this week’s search terms and I’m already tired. Well, that’s just about all we have time for today. Remember, you can submit your own question to Dear Goldfish. Thanks for joining us and be sure to come back for more Dear Goldfish next week! Thank you and good night!