Hello, Internet. Welcome back to Dear Goldfish, the (supposedly) weekly series where I answer real questions asked by our studio audience, in other words, you. The following questions have been submitted by people who typed words into search engines with no editing or censoring.
valentine’s day is evil?
It’s that time of year again. A couple of years ago, I wrote a post called Valentine’s Day Is Evil and every year around this time, I get tons of searches for it.
north america part of africa?
No, North America isn’t part of Africa. They are two different continents. They’re not even touching. See?
don’t slam the door by jacek yerka meaning?
It’s pretty self-explanatory, don’t you think?
That’s Russian and it means Giger alien. I’m always amazed by which words have their own word in foreign languages and which don’t. Apparently, Giger has his own word. Neat. Anyway, here you go:
abe lincoln riding a dinosaur?
Yes, what about them? In ancient Rome, a plebeian was a member of the lowest social cast. There were plebeian men, too, you know.
fancy tape dispenser?
This is pretty fancy. I like the monkey holding the tape.
look at this work by wassily kandinsky. the influence of what other art form is evident in the composition?
Um, which work by Wassily Kandinsky? Let’s see what I have in my media library…
Are you talking about any of those? To me, Kandisky is evocative of the art form of music. Mostly classical music. Mostly orchestral classical music. Mostly pretty music.
spend your birthday alone in los angeles?
Do I have to? Does my dog count as alone? My birthday is not for another 5 months anyway.
harvesting the cat tree?
They look ripe to me.
sending evil stuff for valentine day?
Now, why would you do that? That’s just not nice. If you’re going to send anything for Valentine’s Day, send nice stuff or don’t send anything at all.
As it so happens, I’ve already drawn one. Here you go.
Yay! Two of my favorite archaic words! I talked about both in The Wonderful World Of English.
circular graph perfect guy?
if i could i would pin your genitals on my board at pinterest joke?
That is not a polite question to ask a lady. And no, you can’t do that.
girl you will do what i say ok?
Um, no. Never.
Well, that’s just about all we have time for today. Remember, you can submit your own question to Dear Goldfish. Thanks for joining us and be sure to come back for more Dear Goldfish next week! Thank you and good night!