Name three of your favorite songs to listen to while working out.

Workout music? Really? WTF, plinky? W.T.F.? Guh, boooo, meh, blah and poopy.

I never really thought about what makes for a good workout song. I usually just throw my ipod on random shuffle. I don’t really listen to it anyway. At a gym, I mainly wear headphones just to keep the grunty, sweaty manboars from talking to me.

You know the types – the ones who will add the most amount of weight possible to a machine or weight bar and then do one or maybe two reps while grunting and trying to impress everyone, especially anyone with a vagina. Just so you know, douchetards, that is not hot and no, I don’t want to talk to you. See? Headphones… now fuck the fuck off.

This song I’m listening to right at the moment might be good for working out: Slaughterama by GWAR. Nothing spells get out of my face like Slaughterama.

With a battle cry go forth, which is
“Give the people what they want.”
And what the people want could only be the senseless slaughter
of the gutter-slime that litters this nation for cash and prizes.
Yes, this is the show where people bet their lives to win something big.
Cause when your life is shit, then you haven’t got much to lose on
Slaughterama!

Right on.

Or, on the subject of slaughter, how about some Cannibal Corpse? The song Blunt Force Castration would certainly be appropriate around the grunt crowd. But, really, any Cannibal Corpse song would work: Barbaric Bludgeonings, A Cauldron of Hate, Compelled To Lacerate, The Discipline Of Revenge, Five Nails Through The Neck… I only made it to the letter F in their song titles, but I think you get the idea.

Perhaps I’m going about this all wrong though. Perhaps something that inspires hatred and bloodshed is all wrong. Maybe I need something soothing to take my mind off of all the idiots with penises. I could listen to I Am Woman Hear Me Roar or something equally femininely empowering, but I’m afraid I have no Helen Reddy or The Carpenters in my collection. So, we’ll have to make do with something else…. I choose… random shuffle! And here we are back where we started. The end.