My BFF9000

Some people claim that artificial intelligence will be the downfall of the human race.  I admit that before I got my BFF9000, I was a little skeptical myself.  But now that I’ve had mine for a few years, we’ve developed a bond.  I know she would never hurt me.  In fact, her whole purpose in life is to protect and serve me.

My BFF9000 makes me breakfast, cleans the house and listens to me for hours on end.  She never complains and she’s always there when I need her.  And, other than the occasional fuel cell replacement, she costs me practically nothing.

At night, I put her into shut-down mode and the little red light waxes and wanes as if she’s breathing. The quiet hum of her fan is reassuring as I drift off to sleep.  I know that, if anyone enters the house without an invitation, she will sense the vibration and swing into action with her lasers.

I’ve been saving up to install semi-automatic weapons in her arms.  The rocket launcher is just out of my reach financially, but I think, with some scrimping and saving, I might be able to get her the semi-autos she has her heart set on.  She’s already dog-eared the page in the catalog for me.  I’d like to get them for her since she asks for so little otherwise.

The best feature of my BFF9000 is that she can also be used as transportation. There’s nothing like hitting the open road on your robot knowing that you don’t ever have to worry about getting lost or stuck in traffic since she’s already programmed everything.  I can just sit back and enjoy the wind in my hair as she speedily takes us to our destination.  When we arrive, she folds up into a suitcase and goes into shut-down mode, so that I can drag her along on her little suitcase wheels or carry her on my back.  She weighs practically nothing.  We make a good team.


She learns new things every day.  It’s a fascinating process to watch her learn something.  You can almost see the wheels in her brain turning, except for the fact that she’s all digital and she doesn’t technically have a brain.

The worst times are when she has to go in for service.  I miss her terribly and I have to make my own breakfast.  I’ve forgotten how to even do the dishes so I leave them for her when she gets back.  I’ve become quite attached to her, and even though they come out with a new model every four days, I wouldn’t trade her up for the world.

There will come a time when she just won’t function anymore, but I suppose that’s the risk you take with any relationship.  Even people die eventually. Besides, I could always transplant her hard drive into another unit.

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