That doesn’t seem like a very practical service. I can send messages to the future now. Once I write this thing and hit publish, it will be there… in the future! OooOOOoooh!

I know. The practical implications of writing for the future are positively mind-boggling. As I write this now, I’m thinking about what I will be thinking when I read this in the future, most likely tomorrow morning as I sit in the backyard with my laptop and a cup of coffee. Mmmm coffee.

I’ll probably think this post is mostly crap, because it most likely is, but you see, I do not know that for sure yet since I’m still writing it! Mind=boggled.

OK, smartassery and Dandy Livingstone song aside (did you know that Dandy Livingstone and not the much more popular Specials originally sang “A Message To You, Rudy” in 1967?) (when I first heard it, I thought Rudy was a person–I didn’t know he was referring to Rude Boys) (this is far too many parenthetical asides for one sentence), a message to the future…

As I sit here in the past, I can’t really affect anything in the future. I mean, I could, I suppose, decide to cut off my arm for no reason and that would certainly affect me in the future, but I mean in a broader sense. It’s not like I can send the future stock tips or anything like that since they already know. Although, I would probably find it hilarious to send a message to some random future person telling them “They’re inside the house! Get out now!” Future person would panic for a second until they realized the message was from the past and there’s no way I could know… or could I?

Aside from practical jokes (why are they called practical? There’s nothing practical about them) (I just looked it up: The term “practical” refers to the fact that the joke consists of someone doing something physical, instead of a verbal or written joke. OK then.) and ancient stock tips, all I could do is provide my perspective from the past. So, since I can’t make a mint on the stock market, the obvious answer is to sent a message to myself.

Dear Goldfish,

Stop your messing around
Better think of your future
Time you straighten right out
Creating problems in town

Goldy, a message to you
Goldy, a message to you

Stop your fooling around
Time you straighten right out
Better think of your future
Else you’ll wind up in jail

Goldy, a message to you
Goldy, a message to you

Stop your messing around
Better think of your future
Time you straighten right out
Creating problems in town

You are so awesome! Stay gold.