Throw A Box On It
I am a graphic designer, which means I instinctively evaluate every bit of design I see from billboards to websites. I can’t help it. I would imagine most people in an aesthetic line of work do the same. I think a dentist would have a difficult time speaking to someone with a snaggletooth at a party without wanting to tell them what to do about their teeth. It’s the nature of working on appearances.
I’m not a trendy designer. I don’t troll websites and trade magazines looking for the latest, flashiest trends. I have a style that is all my own. Still, I like to see what else is out there. Most of the time, I see design that annoys me, but sometimes, I see something that inspires me.
I have also accepted David Bowie as my personal lord and savior. In other words, I’m a Bowie fan. He’s been making music longer than I’ve been alive so I sort of grew up with him. Consequently, when I happened across a site talking about the new design for David Bowie’s latest album cover, I took a peek. This is what I saw:
What? That’s got to be a joke, right? I read the article expecting to find a “Just kidding! For the real cover, click here!” Instead, I found an insipid article written by a pretentious, long-winded and downright lazy “designer.” Below is the text of the article, which is an ouroboros of self-congratulation since it seems the questions and answers were written by one and the same. Let’s take it question by question, shall we?
“Everything has been done before?” Really? Why do we even bother designing if there’s nothing new? I think from now on, I’ll just copy other people’s stuff and throw a box on it since there’s nothing new to design. I suppose that taking someone else’s work and throwing a box on it could be considered “new.”
“When you are creative,” it doesn’t generally “manifest itself” by taking someone else’s art and throwing a box on it. I’m just saying, creativity “seeping out” isn’t usually associated with throwing a box on it.
“The wider human condition… we move on relentlessly in our lives…” Really? I could have gone to an Artist Statement Generator and come up with better horsepucky than that. Let’s try, shall we?
Brilliant!
Moving on.
Yes, because nothing is more contemplative than throwing a white box on an old album cover. I’ll grant that Heroes is a “contemplative” album cover, but is it really more iconic and instantly recognizable than this?
Or this?
OR THIS!?
Finally, the question we’ve all been wondering: why is there a white square obscuring the image?
Wait, back that up. Hundreds of designs?
“We worked on hundreds of designs using the concept of obscuring this cover but the strongest ones were the simplest…”
HUNDREDS OF DESIGNS!?! And this was the one that was chosen? What were the others? A triangle with Helvetica? A circle with Arial? If it takes this many words to describe the deep meaning of throwing a box on it, you have failed.
Macbeth? Waiting For Godot? You’re summoning Shakespeare and Samuel Beckett to justify your total lack of creativity? Stop that.
Undesigned is right. That’s about as undesigned as it gets, you hack. I could have done that album cover in under a minute. Good job. If I were you, I would have said there’s a logo hiding behind the white box I threw on it.
Why would anyone care about the damn font? It’s about as unoriginal as the rest of the design.
See what I did with that last image there where you were hawking your font wares? You see, I “felt the most elegant solution was to use the original one from” your stupid website “and simply cross out the title.” Do you like that? See how creative I fucking am? DO YOU FUCKING SEE?
It fucking kills me to think that David Bowie actually picked you to design anything. Instead, I’m going to go with the theory that Bowie thought it would be hilarious to make you the butt of a joke, because you are. David is on his own private island reading your pompous twaddle and laughing his head off.
“We know it is only an album cover with a white square on it.” That’s the first intelligible thing you’ve said. You should have left it at that. For the record, there’s nothing “radical,” “interesting,” “contemplative” or “creative” about throwing a box on it.
P.S.–The least you could have done is centered the damn white box. It’s not even centered.
P.P.S. –It took 37 seconds to create this schlock.
12 Responses to “Throw A Box On It”
Make it a circle and you have a deal.
Love, David Bowie.
Deal.
Oh I do this too! Sort of. I’m not a great visual designer (see my blog for examples, haha!)… but I’m more of a marketing-based designer anyway. When I see basic marketing mistakes, I want to throw things. This album forced my husband to listen to a 30 minute rant already, :) I loved to hear the same rant from the art perspective. That “designer” doesn’t deserve the title, or the honor of working with Bowie.
Oh, and … great post! Funny, smart, and well-thought-out, like normal! :D Plus, your box album cover was way better than the “official” one. :D
Crap like this makes my blood boil. Nice to know I’m not the only one ranting. ;)
Ha. Looks like something I bung on a webpage at work so someone can test the “behind the scenes” code I’ve written before the designer gets to it and makes it all pretty.
I didn’t realise there was a market for my “chuck some square buttons and text in the wrong font on the page” style of design.
I didn’t realize there was a market for it either. Booooooo.
Graphic design? I think you should make some stuph for my site!!! And for my features!! And stuph!!!
Oh, and the cover sucks. Like, a huge giant pile of suck smothered in suck then boiled in suck and tossed with suck.
Lulz.
Hey! Don’t laugh! I’m serious!
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What a beautiful rant! :)