This is a fictional account of real events. Originally, I tried to write this post from my perspective, but it was too difficult. Warning: this post is about child sexual abuse written for the weekly writing challenge on silence.
He says it’s alright, that it’s their secret. Don’t tell anyone, but it doesn’t feel alright. I don’t like it one bit. I don’t like the look on her face or the way she cries. I want it to stop. I want to protect her, but I’m just a dumb, stuffed bear. I want to claw his eyes out, but I can’t make my arms move; only she can move them.
I hate him. I try to close my eyes when he comes into her room, but I don’t have eyelids. I am powerless to stop him. I’m so useless. All I can do is comfort her when he leaves. She hugs me so tightly. I wish I could hug her back.
He doesn’t care about her at all. He throws me on the floor. I am her favorite. She sleeps with her arms wrapped around me every night and he throws me on the floor like a piece of trash. Sometimes, I land on my face and can’t see a thing. I only hear her softly crying.
As soon as he leaves, she climbs down and gets me. She brushes off my face, and wipes away our tears. She talks to me. She doesn’t talk to anyone, but she often talks to me. She tells me she hates him. I hate him, too. She says she wishes that I was a real bear. I wish I was a real bear, too. If I were a real bear, I would tear him apart. I would rip his face off and shred him with my claws. It would be beautiful. But, I’m not a real bear. I live in this stupid, useless, stuffed body. I am impotent. I can’t protect her. I can’t tell anyone what’s going on. I can’t do a thing. All I can do is comfort her when he leaves.
I watch over her while she sleeps. She wakes up a lot. She has bad dreams. I think she has the same bad dream over and over, because she always wakes up the same way. I wish I could wake her when she’s having a nightmare, but I can’t do anything about it. I can’t even warn her that he’s coming.
Her family knows what’s going on, because she told them a few weeks ago, but they ignore it. They didn’t believe her. They believed him over their own child. She told them what was going on and they wouldn’t listen. They thought she was making it up. She doesn’t even really know what’s going on. How could she make that up?
I hate them all. I want to rip her family apart with my claws for letting her go through this. They are supposed to protect her, but they don’t. It’s up to me to keep her safe, but I can’t do anything.
I wish I could be a real bear, even just for one day. If I were a real bear, I would destroy them all. I would take her away from all of this, someplace where she was safe forever. I would tell her that it isn’t her fault and that I believe her. I would tell her that she is not alone. I would cry with her and comfort her. I wish more than anything that I could hug her back.