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The Pros And Cons of Dog Parks

I have a three-year old dog and no yard so I take her to the dog park every day. Yesterday was our anniversary. We met three years ago and have been together ever since. I bought her a new anniversary toy, but she didn’t reciprocate. She didn’t even wish me a happy anniversary. I try…

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Prom

I was asked to prom last night. I am a full-grown adult female who isn’t even a student anywhere and I was asked to prom last night. Apparently, law school has prom and Male is going. It struck me as odd that he would want to go since it doesn’t seem like anything he’d be…

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High School V. 2.0

My sister has a lot of work drama. She’s the only nurse in a doctor’s office with mostly women. In my experience, a workplace with mostly women breeds a lot of work drama. Her workplace is not an exception to my experience. I get to hear all about this work drama as my sister offloads…

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Autobiographical Fiction

Autobiographical fiction is the genre I’ve assigned for the short stories that I’ve written based on real events in my life. It is not truly autobiographical, because the characters are typically a third person who goes somewhere other than where I really went, but it is not truly fiction because it is based on real…

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I Need A Vacation

I’m going on vacation. I’m going to show up at all of your houses with my dog. We’re going to eat up all of your potato chips and use up all of your hot water. I promise that I won’t overstay my welcome, not that I was welcomed in the first place. Expect me this…

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Avoiding The Elephant In The Room

I wrote a post about pay disparity and the gender gap the other day. It has been pointed out to me that the data that says women make 77 cents on the man-dollar is flawed. Since I was called out by name and told my quoting that statistic was “bullshit,” I feel the need to…

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Back To The Kitchen

As far as I know, this is the year 2014. That’s some sixty some odd years after the 1950s, the decade where women stayed home to clean the house, have babies, and cook dinner in aprons and dresses for their hard-working husbands. Advertising went from this… …to this, in less than a few decades: Apparently,…

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Missed Connections

She missed the train. Had she caught it, she would have spilled a stranger’s coffee. A year later, they’d get married and have a child. Five years later, he would stab her seventeen times while their child watched. She would have died slowly, helpless and regretful. She will never know. Fifty words written for the…

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Give Up The Funk

Not the music variety, which is, clearly, totally awesome. I’m talking about the PTSD variety of funk that I’ve been graced with since a monster sexually assaulted me as a child. Mingle PTSD with Major Depressive Disorder–which I may or may not have had regardless of sexual abuse based on my genetics and other factors–and…

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The Story Of The Blue Goo

This blog has been far too serious of late with editorials about stupid things happening in America, because stupid things keep happening in America, dammit. Dear stupid things, stop happening so I can stop writing about you. Thanks. To lighten up the party, today, it’s story time. Yay, story time! Grab a carpet square and…

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Supreme Court: Now Accepting Tips

Yesterday, the Supreme Court of the United States of America struck down another part of forty-year old campaign finance reform designed to prevent corruption. If you are a person or a corporation–actually, they’re synonymous to the Supreme Court–you are now welcome to donate as much as you’d like to any candidate or party. On Tuesday,…

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One Night In Summer

She was lying on something uncomfortable. Without opening her eyes, she reached beneath her and pulled out a large stick. She’d never been any good at waking up. It took a long time for the neurons to fire properly. Like a classic pickup truck in winter, you had to let her idle for a while…

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Manners & Etiquette

I was raised with manners. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that if I didn’t show manners as a kid, there would be hell to pay. My grandmother had a débutante ball. No kidding. When she reached “the age of maturity,” whatever that was, her family introduced her to the proper society of White Plains,…

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I Don’t Like Charming People

As I was walking my dog last night on our pre-bedtime constitutional, a thought struck me. This is not unusual. I do some of my best thinking while waiting for my dog to stop chasing imaginary squirrels and finally pee. What was unusual was the thought itself. It was a rather deep thought, one of…

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This Is Why I Have A Problem With Fundamentalists Part 2

Apparently, I’m in a ranty mood this week. Yesterday, I bitched about the erosion of women’s rights in America. Today, we’re going to revisit some horrible anti-gay legislation in Uganda. Back in December, I posted about Uganda’s draconian anti-gay bill that was co-written by American fundamentalist Christian bigots: When it was introduced in 2009, the…

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Remind Me Never To Shop At Hobby Lobby

Hobby Lobby, an American for-profit company with conservative Christian values, and the smaller Conestoga Wood Specialties, owned by Mennonite Christians, are all up in my Supreme Court (SCOTUS) today trying to take away female employees’ right to family planning. Let’s dig a little deeper into the crux of the issue, shall we? This all started…

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Why I Write

Another week, another Weekly Writing Challenge, where we are to talk about the origins of our writing. I’m not feeling particularly inspired this morning, so I’m just going to answer the questions as asked. Which books did you love growing up? Which poems? I’ve already written about my favorite children’s books growing up. Some of…

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Babies vs. Animals

One of my coworkers has no soul. I am convinced she is a robot because she truly doesn’t understand the human connection with animals. Another coworker had to put her eighteen year old dog to sleep. She took the day off for the procedure and the next day, too. The next two days were the…

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10 Things I Hate Part 25

1. Earthquakes. We here in Los Angeles had one the other day. It woke me up and I wrote about it. I’m not a big fan of the earth under my feet moving. I don’t like it at all. Just when I was starting to get over it a bit, there was another one last…

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Big Bang Breakthrough

Some really cool sciencey stuff happened this week that proves rapid universal expansion a fraction of a tiny second after the Big Bang. Gravitational waves, first proposed in Einstein’s Theory of Relativity nearly a century ago, have been found. Einstein was right. “What does that mean?” you may well ask. “Is the universe going to…

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Awkward Moments With Goldfish: Creepy Perv Edition

I’m a relatively attractive female. I’m tall and proportionate with blonde hair and nice green eyes. They’d probably love me in Japan. However, I live in Los Angeles, the same city as Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Giselle, Halle Berry and Scarlett Johansson. I’m an attractive female for, say, northern Michigan, where my parents live, but in…

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Waiting For The Big One

I live in Los Angeles, a city with miraculous blue skies and more sunshine than entirely necessary. We are hugged on one side by the vast, blue Pacific Ocean’s perfect sandy beaches and roaring waves. The rest of the city is fenced in by mountains. Depending on your idea of beauty, it’s a beautiful city,…

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Like Um: Conversational Ice Picks

I think I’m officially old now. I’ve discovered that, for the most part, I’m not overly fond of 20-somethings and under. Disclaimer time. This post is probably going to come off sounding like generalized generation bashing, but I assure you that’s not my intent; I hate all generations equally. Also, I’m sure I was an…

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