1. I’m good at liking things.

There are certain things that I like very well. I like music, lots of it. I like art. I like some films. I like bubble baths and rain when I have nowhere to be. I like snuggling up in bed and reading. I like coffee, bacon, chocolate, steak, lamb korma, gumbo, dim sum, sushi, beer and bourbon. I really like my dog and I like my cat. I even like my friends sometimes.

2. I’m good at disliking things.

I’m even better at disliking things than I am at liking them. I have a whole series of things that I dislike and why called Things I Hate.

3. I’m good at space travel.

At least, I assume I would be if it was an option. I rarely get seasick and I’m pretty good in the car as long as I can see where I’m going. I think I’d do alright with zero gravity and G-forces. I can entertain myself quite easily, which would definitely be a benefit on a long space trip. I’m a fair photographer if photographic documentation was needed and I can certainly write. I would be very good at keeping a space diary. “Dear space diary, today we are entering quadrant G52 of the galaxy. My god, it’s full of stars! Just kidding. Of course, it’s full of stars. Every quadrant around here is full of stars. It is space after all. That’s where the stars live.”

4. I’m good at raising rare mythical creatures.

Granted, I’ve never tried to raise a bigfoot or a unicorn, but it can’t be that much different than caring for a dog and a cat. When I left the house this morning, they were both still alive, so that proves that I’m good at it. I once had a goldfish that died, but it wasn’t my fault exactly. How was I supposed to know that dumping a year’s supply of food in the bowl all at once wasn’t a good idea? I thought I was saving time. Anyway, disregard that incident; I was just a kid anyway. As an adult, I currently have one feline and one canine. As I said, they are both alive and healthy, so I feel more than qualified to rear any dragon, harpy, griffin, centaur, pegasus or minotaur in need of a good home.

5. I’m an excellent multimillionaire.

Not that I have multimillions, but if I did, I wouldn’t use my power and wealth to steal more money from the poor. I don’t even want to hang around other rich people. Those people from old money are all so stodgy. Instead, I’d use my money to make people happy. By people, I mostly mean me, but if you are happy with my wealth, then I can’t help that. We’ll all be happy together. I’d invite you all over for coffee, bacon, chocolate, steak, lamb korma, gumbo, dim sum, sushi, beer and bourbon, but I’m afraid my dining room only serves 100 people, and the dragons, harpies, griffins, centaurs, pegasi and minotaurs do take up such a frightful amount of room. Maybe next time.