Over at QueenRawr, they suggested writing a dented bucket list, a term I’d never heard before Rarasaur used it.

As a show of support [for Rarasaur], let’s all compile a list of things that would be on our dented bucket lists. These can be things we hope to never experience and things that we have already been through but would have been on the list otherwise.

I’m in. My dented bucket list is made up of things I’ve experienced that I never want to go through ever again.

• Sell my body for cash money/drugs.
• Live for months without any vision correction because I couldn’t afford glasses or contacts.
• Be homeless in winter without winter clothing.
• Sleep on the street.
• Have all my worldly possessions piled up on the street covered with snow.
• Not even have one dollar to my name.
• Kick a serious drug addiction all on my own.
• Be compelled by the state to get tested for gonorrhea and syphilis.
• Spend the night in jail.
• Spend weeks in the Intensive Care Unit.
• Have a gun pointed at my head.
• Use a gas oven as the only source of heat.
• Eat nothing but ramen noodles for months on end.
• Have someone try to strangle me to death.
• Wish that he’d just kill me and get it over with.
• Be punched in the face so hard it knocked out a tooth.
• Kicked when I was already on the ground.
• File police reports.
• Have the police take pictures of the injuries on my body.
• Attempted rape.
• Tied up.
• Gagged.
• Raped.
• Have my family and most of my friends betray me.
• Get a restraining order.
• Have my identity stolen, not be able to prove it was stolen and be stuck with thousands in debt that wasn’t mine.
• Sign up for food stamps.
• Have depression so badly that I couldn’t get out of bed.
• Cry for months on end for no real reason.
• Have skin cancer. Twice.
• See someone murdered in front of me.
• Have recurring nightmares.
• Be so fucked up on drugs and/or alcohol that I blacked out.
• Be justifiably pulled over for drunk driving.
• Feel incredibly alone with no one to talk to.
• Have an abortion.
• Cut myself just to feel something.
• Force myself to eat before I starved to death.
• Shoplift food because I had no money to buy any.
• Have a traumatic brain injury.
• Not have any memory of what happened five minutes before.
• Panic because I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing there.
• Seriously consider dying.
• Seriously consider killing someone.
• Seriously wishing someone would just die.
• Have someone else’s blood on my hands.
• Stand in the middle of a road and hope that someone hit me.
• Die from meningitis.
• Die from a drug overdose.

Ugh. That’s enough bullshit for one list. Here’s hoping I can cross all those things off forever. The good news is, I survived all of that. I’m still here. We can survive anything.