Yesterday, I went digging for embarrassing songs that I love. In the course of my search, I ran across a lot of truly awful music. This is some of it.

AntiChris & The Raped

I’m pretty sure I bought this because of the name. The more blashemous and offensive a punk band’s name is, the more likely they are to be awful. However, being awful is part of punk. There’s good awful and then there’s just awful awful. This band is awful awful.

The studio versions of the songs aren’t much better.

The Crucifucks

Another band I probably bought because of the name. Another band that is awful awful.

The music isn’t too terribly bad, but that guy’s voice is like a grater on my brain.

Rancid Vat

Somehow, I have not one, but two albums by these guys. Boggles the mind.

T.S.O.L.

T.S.O.L. is a punk band, but they have some dark hair metal chapters in their past. I have eight albums by them. This is the T.S.O.L. I thought I was getting with all of them:

That’s some completely solid punk rock right thar. But, I have a few albums from them that sound like this:

Eesh. Look at that hair!

Witchcraft

There is an awesome Swedish band called Witchcraft. They sound like this:

That Witchcraft is awesome (give it a minute). Well, I went looking for that and found this instead. I thought maybe it was another Witchcraft album I hadn’t heard. It actually was, but not from the right Witchcraft. Joy!

Oopsies. Musicians, this is why you should always use a band name no one else has. At least, no one is ever going to confuse AntiChris & The Raped with another AntiChris & The Raped.

Electric Dragon 80000V Soundtrack

I have the soundtrack to Electric Dragon 80000V because Tadanobu Asano is hot.

All songs on the soundtrack were done by 小野川浩幸, whatever that means. Both the movie and the soundtrack are terrible. It’s mostly Tadanobu beating up a perfectly innocent guitar and assailing our ears. I’m not sure why I own either. Because hot, I guess.

Tadanobu Asano in Electric Dragon 80000V.
Image from cinemastrikesback.com

Living In Oblivion: The 80’s Greatest Hits, Vol. 1-5

I don’t remember ever buying this one. Most of my most WTF moments with random shuffle come from this CD set. Along with the more common artists like Thomas Dolby, Human League and The Thompson Twins, it has some songs I barely remember, if at all. Some gems include:

I don’t even remember this song or that band from the 80s, do you?

Nope, I don’t remember that one either. Where the hell did they come up with these names? Haysi Fantayzee? Really? It’s terrible, yet it lives in my digital library. WTF indeed.

Man, the 80s were weird.

Def Jam 10th Anniversary (Disc 1-4)

80s new wave bands are not the only ones to get embarrassed here. Oh, no. We have some embarrassing hip-hop, too. First, let’s embarrass Mr. LL Cool J.

Don’t you wish you could forget about the 80s, LL?

Or this little ditty:

Eesh. That’s gonna be stuck in my head for days.

The Hip Hop Box (Disc 1-4)

And, as if The Def Jam discs weren’t bad enough, I also have The Hip Hop Box set, which has an embarrassing amount of Hammer Pants.

That’s awful. How did anyone listen to MC Hammer like ever?

The Hip Hop Box also brings us such awful songs as Parents Just Don’t Understand…

And quite possibly, the worst song ever recorded, Just A Friend.

I think we’ll end on that off key note.