How To Make a Goldfish

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1 Goldfish
10 lbs. of crack cocaine
8 years of domestic violence
5 stage lights
3 galvanized steel poles
3 feet of rope
3 arrest warrants
2 fists
2 low paying jobs
1 roll duct tape – silver
1 gag
1 restraining order
1 sadistic pedophile
1 domestic abuser
1 family
1 abusive grandmother
1 year college
1 year of sexual abuse
1 year drug addiction
1 year prostitution
1 year homelessness
1/2 childhood
3 T. depression
3 t. malaise
All the injustice you can find.
Sprig of fresh humor.


  1. Marinate the goldfish in 1/2 childhood for 7 years.
  2. Fold in 1 sadistic pedophile and add 1 year of sexual abuse.
  3. Bind the goldfish’s hands and feet with 3 feet of rope.
  4. Place 1 gag in the goldfish’s mouth so no one can hear it scream.
  5. Put the mixture in a closet and make it watch the sadistic pedophile have sex to show it how it’s done.
  6. Show it how it’s done.
  7. Add 1 abusive grandmother who blames the goldfish for seducing the pedophile.
  8. Add 1 family who ignores the abuse.
  9. Set aside. Marinate for 8 more years. Do not touch.

Main Dish

  1. Mix 10 lbs. of crack cocaine, homelessness and prostitution.
  2. Place the goldfish in this mixture until completely saturated.
  3. Remove the goldfish from mixture and rinse.
  4. Add college. Set aside.
  5. Combine 3 galvanized steel poles, 1 roll duct tape and 5 stage lights into an unstable structure.
  6. Pound the goldfish’s brain into flattened pieces with the structure.
  7. Remove college.
Or use a meat terrorizer.
Or use a meat terrorizer.


  1. Add 1 domestic abuser.
  2. Beat the goldfish with 2 fists for 8 years.
  3. Dip the abuser in 3 arrest warrants and 1 restraining order. Quickly remove.
  4. Add all the injustice and stir.
  5. If the sauce is too thick, add depression.


  1. SautΓ© the pounded goldfish over low heat, seasoning with malaise to taste.
  2. Add 2 low paying jobs without health insurance for over 10 years.
  3. Arrange the goldfish on a hot platter.
  4. Pour the sauce over the meat and sprinkle with zest.
  5. Garnish with a reserved sprig of fresh humor (with pith left in).

Preparation and cooking time: decades.
Serves: no one.
Bon apetit.

The recipe of me written for the Weekly Writing Challenge.