1. Summer. I used to love summer when I had to put up with winter. Now that I have no winter to speak of, I hate summer. It was 100 degrees (38C) here yesterday. If I wanted to be roasted alive, I’d go crawl into my oven. Bullshit. Knock off this damn heat. It shouldn’t be allowed to get over 90 degrees ever. We should pass a law.
2. I hate that you can only choose one option in the fight of e-readers vs. traditional books. E-reader people go on about how books are smelly and heavy, or whatever it is they say, while Luddite real book readers scoff at e-readers and their pluggie-innie-ness. Can’t we use both? I would like to use both. Someone buy me an e-reader and I will use both. Honestly, I’m just happy people are reading at all.
3. I hate not being able to sleep when I should be sleeping and being tired only when I’m not allowed to sleep. So, I have to be tired all day, but when I’m actually in a bed ready to sleep, I can’t? Fuck you, insomnia. You’re a bitch.
4. I hate preachy people. I don’t care what you eat, watch, believe or who you vote for. Please, provide me the same courtesy. It’s my choice if I want to have a lovely steak for dinner. If you don’t, that’s fine, but don’t tell me I’m wrong for doing it. I won’t tell you you’re wrong for only eating Brussels sprouts and green beans.
5. I hate when you are clearly upset and someone tells you to calm down. That is possibly the least calming thing you could say to someone who is overwrought. For some reason, being told to calm down when you’re not calm is always infuriating, which is pretty much the exact opposite effect intended.
6. I hate when people interrupt you with completely not at all what you were about to say. “I was talking to this guy about…” “Vampires!” “No, I was talking to him about…” “Zombies!” “No, wrong again and not even close. We were talking about the situation in Syria and you would have known that a minute ago had you not interrupted me twice with your nonsense.”
7. I hate ridiculously obvious advice. “Do you know why the car won’t start?” “Did you try turning the key and giving it some gas?” Well, shit, why didn’t I think of that? I usually try to start it by running around it three times and asking it nicely. No wonder. Here I was looking for potentially useful advice and you give me a How Cars Work Guide For Toddlers. Awesome.
8. I hate how words have taken on new, wrong meanings because they’re used incorrectly more often than not. Begs the question, peruse, nonplussed and irony do not mean what you probably think they mean. Also, irregardless and disorientate are not even words at all. Just because people use them, that doesn’t make it right.
9. I hate it when Google comes up empty. It doesn’t happen that often, but sometimes, you search for something on the internets and search engines can’t find it. When it happens, it’s mind-blowing. We’re all so used to having everything at our fingertips all the time that when we don’t, it feels very strange, like maybe whatever it was you were looking for was just a figment of your imagination.
10. Animal abusers. If you hurt an animal, you should be forced to go through the same thing you put them through. For example, if you fight dogs and get caught, guess what? Cage match to the death with your fellow inmates using only your teeth! Wooo! And we get to bet on you. The rest of the time, you live in a tiny cage where you’re neglected and malnourished or whatever it is you did to the dogs you kept. Fair is fair. An eye for an eye, fucker.