Things We Can’t Talk About

Warning: this post is about child sexual abuse.

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I’m a pretty forthcoming blogger. There’s not much I haven’t talked about. I’ve told you how I have a stuffed donkey named Eeeyore in my head who yells at me. I’ve told you about how I was in an abusive relationship that destroyed, and nearly took, my life. I’ve talked about my abusive grandmother and how I have a severe phobia of public speaking.

But, one of the things I still can’t really talk about is how I was sexually abused as a child and all the things that stemmed from that. I can’t talk about why I have links to ChildHelp.org and Prevent Child Abuse in my sidebar. I can’t talk about why I have a link on my sidebar to Children Of The Night, a privately funded non-profit organization dedicated to rescuing America’s children from prostitution.

Those links are there. I see them all the time, but I never really think about them. None of the organizations I just mentioned helped me personally. Actually, I haven’t received help from most of the organizations I have listed there, but I link them all the same, because they might help someone else.

I still can’t talk about it. Just thinking about it as I write this gives me a woozy feeling, like I’m a million miles from the computer on my lap. It gives me a metallic taste in my mouth and my heart starts beating a little faster. It’s difficult to talk about any of the shitty things that have happened to me over the course of my life, but I talk about everything except for that.

I think part of the reason why I can’t talk about it is because most of the other shitty things I’ve experienced happened when I was an adult (except my grandmother–she was there the whole time), but I was sexually abused as a child. Children are not capable of handling things like that. We can’t process it. We are still so trusting. And when the monster lives in your own home for a year or more, his presence sanctioned by your own family, well, it makes it seem as if it’s okay. It is not okay. It is never okay.

And when you tell the people closest to you–your own mother and grandmother–that there is a monster in the house and they don’t believe you, well, it hurts. It hurts not being believed. It hurts being betrayed. It hurts knowing that it will continue and there’s nothing you can do about it. It makes you hate adults and not trust them. It makes you not trust anyone. You wall yourself up, brick by brick, until you have a nice safe place inside of you that you can escape to when he comes into your room late at night. It makes it difficult to trust anyone when the people who are supposed to protect you don’t. You realize that you are truly alone and you have no one to rely on in the world at the age of seven. Seven year olds should never have to experience that.

It makes you angry and bitter and you want to spit at the world knowing that things like that could happen. You learn to ignore the awful memories, but they still invade your thoughts late at night. You try to sleep the sleep of an innocent seven year old, but you know that a monster might come into your room, into your thoughts, at any second. You are totally vulnerable and there’s nothing you can do. When you are sleeping, you are thoroughly unprotected. Sleep is something you can no longer do, even with the gun and the baseball bat in your room. You can’t sleep next to a window ever, even as an adult, for fear that a monster will reach through and grab your ankle. You never feel safe.

When I think about it, as I am doing now, I become absolutely enraged. I want to murder. I want to grab the entire world by its shoulders and make it tell me why it allows things like this to happen even now. Right now, there are countless seven year olds out there experiencing the same things I did. They can’t sleep. They are vulnerable. They are betrayed and violated. They can’t trust anyone and they are building their walls. They think they are completely alone in their suffering, but sadly, they are not. There are countless others out there in the dark and nothing ever seems to be done about it.

When you have been betrayed and violated at an early age, it skews the rest of your life, and that’s what pisses me off the most. How many of the horrible things that have happened to me are a result of what happened to that seven year old? I want to go back in time and strangle that motherfucker, slowly and painfully, so that he can’t touch me. I want to give myself a childhood of trust and security. I want to allow that seven year old to sleep the sleep of the innocent that she is, but I can’t. What’s done is done. The course of my life was set when I was seven. It changed me forever. It caused me to do things I never would have done otherwise. It turned me into someone who I’m not at all proud of, at least, for a while.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to die. Actually, it’s more apt to say that I didn’t care whether I lived or died. I didn’t care about anything. I got myself a hardcore drug addiction and sold myself for money. It’s a very common story. Most of the kids that Children of the Night helps have similar stories to mine. So many cases of child abuse turn into prostitution and substance abuse.

I never got justice. My family never owned up to what they put me through, so that bastard is still out there. Who knows how many kids could have been saved from the same fate as me had my family acknowledged it and done something about it. My grandmother went to her death-bed denying that anything had ever happened.

I never got help. Because my family denied it, because they ignored it, I never had anyone to talk to about it. There was no one who could tell me that I wasn’t alone and that it would be alright. I lived my whole childhood terribly alone with it locked up inside. I never talked about it with anyone. Because of that, I still can’t, but I’m trying.

It’s all still there and I have no one to help me, now or then. The wounds are still fresh. I’m still not at the point where I can help anyone else. I want to wrap up all those children in my arms and tell them not to give up. They don’t have to die. They don’t need drugs to make the pain feel better. They don’t need to lash out. They can live a normal life, even with everything that has happened. They can learn to live with it even though it never goes away. I want to volunteer and help them, but I’m still not at a point where I can help myself. My seven-year-old self and I need to come to terms with what happened to us first. We need to accept it and not get so homicidal when we think about it. Until then, we wouldn’t do those children any good, but we’re working on it.

If you can, please, consider donating or volunteering to help end child sexual abuse at any of the organizations I’ve mentioned or at organizations in your community. We need to show these children, at the very least, that they are not alone. I don’t want them to think they have to carry it inside with no one to talk to; I don’t want them to end up like me.

There are 79 comments

  1. braith an' lithe

    Brave. And very wise to realise you’re not yet at the point you could volunteer/work with children in similar situations. The guy I was with in my teens and early twenties had been abused, and he chose to work with children in residential care, many of whom had been through similar. It was way too much, too soon, for him.
    The older I get the more hugely grateful I am for my family/childhood. I have spent most of the last 5 years teaching 7 year olds, including some who I knew had been abused previously, or it was discovered that they were being abused while they were in my class (two disclosed to me). Who knows how many others might have been sufferering silently – but I always tried to be alert to changes in a child’s behaviour/mood. It was the most heartbreaking thing I had to deal with in my job – worse even than the grief children go through with parents who are fighting, separating, or dying. Locally, we have a pretty amazing can’t-remember-exact-title-but-something-like ‘children’s mental/emotional health worker’ & I really really hope that being listened to, believed, & having someone to work through stuff with might help protect those kids from the potential future knock-on damage you rightly highlight as common consequences. I am thinking also of my husband (a family doctor for 20 years) saying that everyone he’s known/treated who was abused as a child has experienced clinical depression in their adult life.

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    1. goldfish

      Unfortunately, I’m nowhere near a point where I feel like I could help anyone else.

      Above all, children in that situation need to be heard and believed. Good for you for trying to help.

      Interesting about the depression. It doesn’t surprise me, but I wouldn’t have put the two together.

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      1. braith an' lithe

        I’d bet you are helping people you might not even realise, just by your writing, which is brilliant as well as brave and honest.
        Re the depression – he sees a clear link, though of course it could be argued that if someone who had been abused *didn’t* experience any depression, he might not meet them…
        I do remember the children’s mental health worker mentioning something about evidence showing mental health outcomes are better if children are supported to talk through/be heard etc before they hit their teens. Unfortunately can’t remember more detail than that right now (over-40 type brain fail, sorry).

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        1. goldfish

          Thank you, dear. The notion that it might help someone else is really why I write these things. Plus, they help me as an added bonus.

          Well, you can tell Dr. Husband that I’m a nice little statistic to support his hypothesis. :)

          I would imagine that depression can be offset somewhat by early treatment. I just never had the option.

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  2. JackieP

    I’ve been through it also. I was 3 and it didn’t end till I was 9. I have a hard time talking about it also. If you ever need someone who has been through what you have been through give me a shout. Maybe we can help each other. I have talked about it some, but never in detail. It’s hard. But I’ve healed in many other ways. I’ve dealt with it without going to drugs, alcohol or selling my body. We can come out stronger, but only IF we do talk to someone. Preferably to someone who has been there and does understand. My door is always open…..I have helped a few others, privately, one on one. I’m holding my hand out to you…… contact me at jlroeder (at) mail (dot) com……only when you are ready.

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    1. goldfish

      I was in private counseling for a while, but I had to stop because I couldn’t afford it anymore. I make too much to get any help from the government and not enough to afford it on my own.

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              1. Barbara

                Good :) this needs to get right up to the top of your priority list for yourself.

                It’s about learning to look after yourself the way a good parent would. If something like that had happened to one of your own children you would make it a top priority above all else. You need to treat yourself in the same way

                Love & hugs xxx

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                1. Barbara

                  I know, we do always put ourselves last, it’s an old pattern that only we can break. If you put this first, your whole life will improve, I promise xxx

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  3. behindthemaskofabuse

    I’m am so very sorry for what happened to that 7 year old you and for what you’re going through now. I was not a child of the night, but I was sexually abused from a baby up with no one to talk to, no one to turn to for help. I told the mother at 11 that I was raped and to this day they are in denial. I hope that you will be able to find some some help, you’re worth is. Sending safe hugs your way xo

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    1. goldfish

      It really sucks when the people closest to you don’t believe you, doesn’t it? I think that betrayal hurt worse and did more damage than the actual abuse. I’m glad you made it through and can talk about it now, no matter how hard it is.

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      1. behindthemaskofabuse

        it does and you’re right the betrayal is more painful and damaging because if we had the care from our families after, we might have been able to heal a lot sooner and quicker.

        They instead drove home the same message as the abusers. They are abusers.

        I’m glad you survived too. You are an incredibly strong and courageous woman. xo

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        1. goldfish

          It really is disgusting, isn’t it? I mean, it’s bad enough we were abused, but then to have it ignored is probably the worst thing they could have done for us. It’s akin to child abuse all on its own.

          You are a strong and courageous woman, too, my dear. I’m glad we found each other. Yay internets! :)

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          1. behindthemaskofabuse

            No but looking at it, I’m very interested!! It says it’s international! I would love to be part of a support team, or even opportunities to go to places and speak about abuse. I’m going to do more reading on this organization. Thank you for sending it! Are you involved?

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            1. goldfish

              This is the US one, but I accidentally landed on the Australian one first. Do a search for adult survivors of sexual abuse (if you search for ASCA, a whole bunch of other stuff comes up). There’s a meetup not too far from me. I’m thinking of going.

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                1. goldfish

                  I went the promiscuous, rebellious, fuck everything route. She went the happy go lucky, pretend it never happened, put blinders on route. She is just beginning to come to terms with it as I am. We are approaching it from such different perspectives, but the problem is the same.

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                2. behindthemaskofabuse

                  Wow you sound like my sister and I. I went your route and my sister went the way your sister did.

                  My sister is still in complete denial. We are estranged as she has become the father sadly.

                  I hope your sister can confront is as she feels able. It sounds like you really want to be there to support her.

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                3. goldfish

                  Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s so sad to realize that most abusers were victims themselves. At least we didn’t turn into abusers. Part of the reason I don’t have and don’t want children is because I’m afraid of that. I don’t think it would ever happen, but just the thought scares me.

                  My sister was in total denial for most of her life. It’s only within the last year or two that she’s started to get angry, not just with our abuser, but with our abusive grandmother and at our parents for not doing anything.

                  Her anger is good. Unfortunately, I’ve been angry since I was a teenager and it still hasn’t done me any good. I don’t really know how to move past the anger. I’m trying.

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                4. behindthemaskofabuse

                  It is sad but you’re right, we haven’t become them! You know we can’t have children but I told Hubby recently that I’m somewhat relieved about that, as I’m afraid I would just mess them up and not be able to handle them. I see a lot of the father in myself and I’m working hard on that through therapy but I just don’t want to hurt kids. I see how I am with our dog and that tells me how I might be with kids. For starters, I have a really hard time bonding.

                  Anger is a tough one. I sometimes feel the tip of it in therapy is it scares the crap out of me. If that’s just the tip, how bad is it?
                  I’m learning when I get angry at home for no real reason that the anger is probably connected to abuse so I catch it and ask myself what’s really going on. I don’t want it to be displaced on Hubby.

                  I’m glad you’re sister is starting to feel, that means maybe that her mind and body are ready to deal with it. An amazing form of therapy for what you’ve been through is Somatic Experiencing. It’s been life changing for me. I would still be in it if I could find someone where I’ve recently moved that practiced it.

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                5. goldfish

                  It really pisses me off that I don’t want kids because I’m afraid of messing them up (there I go with the anger again). Perhaps had I not been abused, I might feel differently. My sister doesn’t have any either.

                  Yeah, my sister is finally starting to unthaw. She’s finally approaching the point I was when I was a teenager. Unfortunately, I can’t help her getting past the anger since I’m STILL stuck there.

                  I’ll have to check into Somatic Experiencing. Thanks for the heads up. And thanks for your constant support and for talking about your own experiences. The fact that you are so open about it has helped me write about it too. :)

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                6. behindthemaskofabuse

                  I know it’s the wondering what it could have been like without the abuse. That is angering!

                  My sister is a mess but doesn’t put 2&2 together. Married a man who cheated on her with her best friend while they were engaged. Then he cheated throughout their marriage, she swept it under the carpet for 14 years, now they are finally divorced but she is falling apart, not because of the divorce she wanted out. She is seeing a married man, who is much older than she is and he resembles our father…ich!
                  If you find a person that works with SE, they will be able to help you with the anger big time! I don’t have answers either how to just get rid of it. It’s not something we can “just get over.” there’s so much abuse and injustice!

                  You’re welcome and I had no idea my writing helped you that way, that almost made me cry. Keep going! xo

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          2. goldfish

            I really hope your sister eventually snaps out of it. It will be so much worse for her if she does having denied it for so long, but it’s possible. It’s really sad that we do the things we do because of abuse and we don’t even realize it. We don’t see the signs. Other people would see red flags everywhere, but sometimes we don’t.

            I don’t think we can ever entirely lose the anger, but I have so much of it that I’d really like to move past it and see what’s on the other side.

            You’re definitely an inspiration. :)

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  4. notwendysdave

    I fell through the cracks of the very social agencies that should have protected me. I know what you mean by alone. You aren’t really alone now though. Peope here will help, as they have helped me. My situation is different, but I understand. Starting to talk about it, is such a huge step. That needs to come before helping others. Keep writing!

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  5. dailyshorts

    I can’t begin to tell you I know how you feel because I don’t. What I can say is that you have taken a step in your recovery by writing this post. I do know several people who have been victims of child sexual abuse and everyone I know says it’s one step at at time. Some smaller than others. I wish you much success in during your recovery process. And it seems as though there is a blogging community out there ready to support you.

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    1. goldfish

      It’s definitely one step at a time and one post at a time. These things are not easy to talk about. I think part of the reason why is because we hold it in for so long. Thanks for the comment.

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  6. rarasaur

    Your strength inspires me! *hugs* If you ever again have need a family who will listen to you, believe you, and beat people up for you, please know you are part of mine and we’re just a quick email away… and scattered worldwide for your convenience. Of course explaining to people how you adopted a platoon of brown geeks will be a bit complicated…. ;)

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  7. twindaddy

    My heart breaks for you, Goldy. You’ve endured so much and I’m so sorry. Echoing Rawra, if you ever need a friendly ear you know how to get a hold of me. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but I’m a damn good listener. So if you ever need to vent, by all means please feel free to contact me.

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  8. fibot

    You are so incredibly brave for writing that and for having the strength to hit the ‘post’ button. You may not feel like you’re ready to help but I think it’s important for you to know you are already an inspiration to so many people. I believe you, and I’m sure lots of people do now, but I can’t imagine what it must be like to not be able to have faith in your family or to trust them. I am so sorry to hear your story. Consider yourself a part of my family if you ever need someone to talk to, I will listen and get very angry on your behalf and try to find ways to help.

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  9. Kozo

    I agree with Braith an’lithe, Goldfish, you are helping others just by putting this out for others to see. Thank you for your courage, honesty, and compassion for all those still out there who are unable to sleep at night. I hope someday you are able to turn that compassion towards yourself. I hope you realize that you now have people you can talk to even if it is not in person. I know Rara is in LA and I’m NorCal, so we could also shoot the shit in Malibu sometime. {{{hugs}}} Kozo

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  10. electronicbaglady

    I’m so in awe of how you share your story and just want to hug you and your 7 year old self forever. You are inspiring by writing about this, and it will help someone somewhere.

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  11. Melanie

    You have shared so much. There is no need to say more than you are comfortable saying. The little bit you have shared here speak volumes to the pain of abuse. You are an awesome fish, Goldfish. I admire your strength and resolve to beat the shit out of the crap life has thrown at you.

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  12. shapelle

    There’s so often the desire in victims to help others in similar situations, but of course, you have to help yourself first before you can use that empathy you have in a way that won’t destroy you. My ‘other mother’ (as I call my mother’s partner) was terribly abused and is now a psychotherapist, but dealing with addiction issues – as you said, they go so hand in hand, but it’s not quite so close to the bone for her as sexual abuse. Maybe once you feel able to, you can find a related, but not searingly-painful area to give back in.

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    1. goldfish

      They say a high percentage of people who go into the psychiatric field have some sort of issue they’re trying to overcome. I’ve thought about going into that field myself.

      You know, it never occurred to me before, but if it’s true it’s probably because of our subconscious drive to want to turn the negative of abuse into a positive.

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      1. shapelle

        I definitely think so. Psychotherapy training is essentially doing therapy, intensely, with a group of people. People’s actual issues get dealt with because that’s way more effective than fictional role-plays, and the idea is that you can’t help others effectively until you’re safe and sound yourself, or at least enough to keep your shit together if their shit touches a nerve – not an easy ask sometimes.

        I think the mental health professions attract a lot of previously fucked up folks because not many people think ‘I want to be a therapist!’ without experiencing therapy. Same goes for a lot of social workers, who’ve been in a situation of needing help.

        The key, I think, is having empathy while not putting your stuff onto the victim in front of you. You sound like you don’t feel there yet, but I don’t think you should underestimate the power of sharing a story like yours, and the support others will find just by not being the only one.

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        1. goldfish

          That is an excellent point. In order to think of therapy as a career, you need to at least be familiar with it, and most people who are familiar with it, need it.

          I’m definitely not there yet. I need to be in therapy again, but I can’t afford it. There are no free or low cost options for me. I’ve checked. I make too much money to get help, but not enough to afford it on my own.

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          1. shapelle

            That sucks the big one. I’d like to suggest some creative tactics – my other mother petitioned her local MP back in the 90s and successfully got 18 months treatment in a private psych hospital paid for by the government. However, that would never happen now under NZ’s current slash and burn govt, and I don’t imagine it’s any better where you are. Maybe your followers have their thinking caps on and some suggestions?

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          2. goldfish

            It does suck the big one. No matter where you live or how much you make, there should be options. I fall right in the middle where there are none.

            I was seeing a therapist at the Jungian institute ( http://www.junginla.org/ ) for about a year. They train already licensed therapists in the Jungian way (which personally, I think is bunk, well, really just the dream thing is bunk). During that time, they charge hardly anything for therapy. I had a great therapist. I really liked her and was making progress, but then she graduated and raised her rates to a price I couldn’t even dream of affording. So much for loyalty. Gee, thanks, lady.

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  13. Mike Carmel

    Thanks for sharing Goldfish, that is a terribly difficult burden. It’s astounding the blinders people can put on when this kind of abuse is happening. The Catholic Church institutionalized child abuse for hundreds of years, but even with the recent exposure people still find a way to ignore this and kneel down to the Pope. I was bullied when I was young, and it still hurts. But I have come to realize my antagonists always came from a position of weakness. and that I was better than that or whatever they thought they needed to prove. Good luck, it sounds like you are working through your problems.

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    1. goldfish

      The fact that adults who are responsible for the safety of children sometimes ignore it, or even perpetrate it, really infuriates me. Children look to adults for guidance. If the adults ignore it, the children ignore it too, only to have it surface much later and wreak havoc in the meantime. Traumatized children need help.

      It sounds like you’re farther along in the healing process than I am. I can’t see a place of weakness yet; I see a scary monster looming in the dark. I’ll get there eventually. Good luck and thanks for the comment.

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  14. twistingthreads

    “She went to our town library, wanting to see in black and white that others had been victims, too. The shelves were bare. Not a single volume on anything to do with child abuse. The librarian told her that children come in and sweep the shelves clean, borrowing every book in sight. Then the librarian said, ‘I guess you know why. The adults abuse them and the children keep silent. The books tell them they aren’t alone.'”

    The above is from When Rabbit Howls, by The Troops for Truddi Chase. I don’t recommend you read this book right now, because it is a painful read even for people who haven’t experienced the writers’ particular type of pain (extremely high trigger warning; I have, quite literally, never met a book that transmitted the horror of prolonged abuse into the hands of a reader quite so effectively). I only shared the quote because I think the above commenters are right: you are helping people just by writing this and helping them know that they’re not alone, by letting them know that it is okay to talk to someone and they are not liars even if family or friends find it more convenient (Bah! Humbug! I wish that were not so common) to deny horrible things have happened. Unlike a library book, your truth is available to another person even if someone else is reading it at the same time. You don’t have to share details either; you don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. Writing about how the experience affected you is enough. Likewise, you don’t have to be silent if you don’t want to be.

    A lot has happened since 1987 when that book was first published. There are more resources and books available than ever before. There is more training and education to help people find and give effective help. I spent four years volunteering for a crisis line, and I’ve been meaning to tell you that they had trained counselors who volunteered free counseling to survivors of sexual assault. There might be something like that in your area.

    You have done and accomplished so much despite EVERYTHING. I hope you have some idea how strong you really are, and how many people will back you up. Screw the people who deny what happened; they and the people who do the unforgivable are the ones who should be ashamed.

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  15. complicatedwaltz

    No words for how angry this makes me. My abuser has recently shacked up with a woman and her two children. I screamed for someone to finally listen to me, don’t let him also break these children! My family continues to ignore me. My abuser smiles like a fucking Cheshire Cat, denies everything. His girlfriend called me a liar. Even my therapist shrugs.
    What The Hell Is Wrong With Everyone?!

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    1. goldfish

      Oh my. That’s awful. I fear for those children.

      It really sucks when your family doesn’t believe you. It’s a stab in the heart. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

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  16. Brothers on the Mend

    Thank you. It’s not a nice thing to say, but every time I read a blog like yours I feel less alone, I feel oddly a little better. I should feel lousy to hear the horror story of others.

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    1. goldfish

      I feel the same way. It’s always nice when you read something and can really relate. It’s not any of our faults that we went through what we did. Whenever I write posts like this, I do it in the hopes that it might make someone else feel less alone, so thanks!

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  17. misslisted

    I hope that your blog is helping to further the cause of your ongoing healing process. I hope you know that your courageousness in sharing your truth and your stories is so helpful to others. A friend of mine from high school who was sexually abused by his stepfather has recently devoted his life and career to helping further the cause of healing from sexual abuse. His website is here if you care to take a look http://www.ruphil.com/. He is a hero to me. Thank you for the gift of your honesty. – Chris

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    1. goldfish

      Thanks. I’m not ready to face it all head on yet. I keep skirting around it. But when I am ready, I would like to do the same as your friend. There are so many victims out there and they all need help. I really want to help them. But for now, all I can do is talk about it.

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  18. M

    Awww! I love your prompt of “say something nice” =) I love your blog. I’m sad I had to look for it. Two of my children were abused. We had talked “don’t let anyone touch the parts covered by your underwear” FREQUENTLY. I thought they knew for sure I loved them…but pedophiles undermine that deliberately, quietly, systematically!!! I reported the crimes to the authorities within minutes of hearing about them and could only repeat to my children “this was not your fault!!!!!” as many times as they’d hear it. It’s horrible that such evil exists. My heart breaks for children who have gone through it. As I talked with a therapist she assured me I had done the best thing possible in A. Believing my children. B. Reporting the Crime. and then she asked me C. Had I been abused? I was taken aback. Emotionally? Yes. I obviously was…one of the perps was my own father. However…she, a seasoned therapist, pegged me as very likely abused. I told her that I would have NEVER taken any of my kids around if I had been. She said simply, “It’s amazing what the human mind can block out in order to survive.”

    So, I hope for you, goldfish, is that any time you have a flash of “that was terrible” for any part of your life you can take a deep breath and know that the domino that set the bad stuff in motion was the abuse…and that abuse is NOT never was and never will be your fault. EVER. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced such horror. I am so very thankful that you are writing about it. Reading this blog gives the heart breaking assurance that we are not alone. This is sad to me and yet simultaneously empowering. I would wish this on NO ONE. My sweet children show signs of struggle. I’m doing the BEST I can to help them. And I love them dearly. I feel powerless in some ways but I do know that my love is getting through at least a little bit.

    Thank you again for writing. I think in contrast to facing your past head on…that perhaps you just let it go. You’re clearly a beautiful person. A person capable of reaching out and helping others through your writings and when you are ready you’ll be able to do the same in person. There is no reason to put a face to your abuse if that’s not the mode of communication you wish to use. You do NOT need to express your very personal story in order to help others. You can speak in generalities and with great understanding as you help others navigate and potentially avoid the pitfalls of promiscuity or avoidance so altogether common for survivors or childhood sexual abuse. Just a thought. =) For when you are ready. You really don’t have to live the nightmare again and again and again in order to go forward and take joy in helping others. You can, when you are ready…simply help them with the WISDOM you’ve acquired. Bless you. <3 Keep writing and healing.

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    1. goldfish

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your children. It’s awful and I can only imagine how difficult it must be from a parent’s perspective. The good news is, they can learn to cope with it if they’re given a lot of support.

      I wrote a letter to parents about sexual abuse. I’d be interested to see if it’s appropriate from a parent’s perspective: http://fishofgold.net/2013/07/28/a-letter-to-parents-about-sexual-abuse/

      Good luck to you on your journey.

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