Hello, Internet. Welcome back to Dear Goldfish, the (so-called) weekly series where I answer real questions asked by our studio audience, in other words, you. The following questions have been submitted by people who typed words into search engines with no editing or censoring.

Dear Goldfish,
monster goldfish found?

Yes, monster goldfish are taking over Lake Tahoe!

monster-goldfish-france

This picture is clearly not photoshopped at all. Clearly.

Better watch out. The monster goldfish’ll getcha!

Dear Goldfish,
sissy huff?

Is that a girl’s bike from the 1970s?

huffy68pg2

That bike is pretty sweet. I’d ride that.

Yes, I suppose sissies get huffy from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with that. Leave the sissy be.

Dear Goldfish,
jesus is my universe?

OK then. My universe is slightly larger:

Wave for the camera.

Wave for the camera.

Dear Goldfish,
when you are upset t-rex making a bed?

I would never get upset if a T-Rex decided to make my bed. Although, I can’t see how they could with those tiny arms.

Tyrannosaurus-Rex-001

Dear Goldfish,
how to write message to my dead grangmothet on facebook?

Well, seeing as your grandmother is dead, I don’t think she’ll really see it, but go ahead and post it anyway. It will probably make you feel better.

Dear Goldfish,
crayon color draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw draw ‘?

Um. That’s a lot of draw. I don’t really draw in crayon anymore. I draw on the computer.

Dear Goldfish,
if money didn’t matter,job you choose?

If money didn’t matter, I’d be a blog writer who doodles on the computer. So, basically, I guess I’d do what I do now without the day job.

Dear Goldfish,
punk boys?

Awww. My favorite kind of boys. Here you go.

Sex-Pistols-in-1978-001

The Sex Pistols.

Paul Simonon is dreamy.

The+Clash2

The Clash.

The Ramones.

The Ramones.

WIN!

Dear Goldfish,
remove an old mountain family curse?

Sorry, I don’t really know how to do that. Here, let me try:

Dearest old mountain,
Why hast thou curs’t our reader?
Please, to remove it.

Dear Goldfish,
superstitions regarding goldfish?

See monster goldfish entry above.

Dear Goldfish,
wassily kandinsky siyah yay ile birlikte resmi?

Ooh, Turkish. Translate says that means “Wassily Kandinsky picture with black bow.” OK, here’s a picture of Kandinsky wearing a black bow tie. Hope that helps.

image from cjbuildsllc.com.

image from cjbuildsllc.com.

Dear Goldfish,
famous graphic designs of animals?

Thanks! While I’ve done a lot of graphic design doodles of animals, I don’t think any of them are famous just yet. The goldfish up there has been seen over 50K times if that counts.

Dear Goldfish,
optima linija tualetinis popierius?

Welcome, Lithuanian visitor! Translate says you’re asking for “Optima line of toilet paper.” Really? You came all the way here from Lithuania to ask about toilet paper? I am disappoint.

Dear Goldfish,
write a story about what you would put in your pocket 1 fish 2 fish draw fish in the fishbowl and write how many?

OK… Wait, what? That doesn’t even make any sense.

Dear Goldfish,
real images of demons?

I hate to break it to you, but there is no such thing. Demons don’t really exist as such, or at least, they’ve never been photographed.

Dear Goldfish,
draw a fox?

I already did.

fox

Dear Goldfish,
how big can goldfish get?

This big:

Still not photoshopped at all.

monster-goldfish-france

I’ve only scrolled down halfway though this week’s search terms and I’m already tired. Well, that’s just about all we have time for today. Remember, you can submit your own question to Dear Goldfish. Thanks for joining us and be sure to come back for more Dear Goldfish next week! Thank you and good night!

More Dear Goldfish.