New Years Eve

Daily Post prompt: Where were you last night when 2012 turned into 2013? Is that where you’d wanted to be?


I had three parties I was invited to last night and I didn’t want to go to any of them. Male was having health issues and we thought he might have to go to the hospital earlier in the day. I figured that a potential hospital visit was enough of a pass to not have to go out. Plus, in the afternoon, I was over at a friend’s house with my dog. He has two tiny dogs that, even together, are barely 40% of my dog’s weight. We were outside and they were playing. I don’t entirely trust my dog off leash yet, so she was on one. In a split second, she wrapped the leash around me and took me down like a boa constrictor. I fell on my knee and hip. I sat there on the ground for a while laughing because I find pratfalls to be hilarious, even if they’re my own.

A few hours later, Male and I were at my house. I was worried about his health and I cannot lift him if anything were to happen. He’s 6’5″ and weighs as much as a small moon. I don’t know; I’m terrible with guessing how much things weigh. Anyway, expecting that we would stay in, I went up to the grocery store, which was insanely busy, and bought ice cream and supplies to make brownies. I bought some firewood. I built a fire and the smell of brownies was infectious. It was going to be a good New Year’s Eve.

Then, Male ruined everything. He insisted we go out and be around people. People! Eesh. I think it was really just his way of distracting me from worrying. He doesn’t like when I worry, but I do it anyway. Well, I thought, if anything did happen, at least he’d already be in the car.

I’m really not at all fond of the hoopla surrounding the holidays. New Year’s Eve especially is full of drunken amateurs. It’s the most dangerous night of the year to be out driving. Plus, I’m not all that social of a creature to begin with, but when I’m not drinking, I climb right into myself at large social events. Meh.

I begrudgingly took a shower and got dressed in NYE attire. I halfheartedly put on lip gloss and did something with my hair. I left the house kicking and screaming inside. We still had no idea where we were going to go. Two of the parties were in the same direction. One was in the other. Not wanting to drive all over creation on the worst night to be out driving, I told him we were only going to two at most. He suggested we forgo the two in the same direction and just go to the one in Hollywood. Fine with me.

However, that meant we would have to navigate Hollywood on New Year’s Eve. Navigating Hollywood is a pain in the tuchus under normal circumstances, but on NYE, you’d probably be safer driving through Aleppo, Syria.

Male doesn’t drive anymore since he had a seizure while driving and crashed into a building a few years ago. Fortunately, only inanimate objects were hurt. They took his driver’s license away and rightfully so. He also doesn’t drink anymore since he is an alcoholic. He’s been sober for over three years.

He decided before we left that he would have one glass of champagne on NYE. I thought it was a bad idea, but I am not his mother or his keeper. He’s an adult and has to make his own decisions. I made him promise to only have one.

He didn’t keep his promise. He drank a split of the worst champagne I’ve ever tasted (I had a sip at midnight) and then he had a glass of beer. He asked me to stop at a store on the way home so he could get some antacid because that champagne really was terrible. He came out with antacid and a beer. Uh oh.

We’ve been through this before. We’ve been involved in one manner or another for thirteen years now. I saw the downfall. I witnessed the whole thing. I told him that I would not go through it again. If he fell again, he would do it alone. In the last three years, everything has been good. I’ve never been a big drinker, especially now that I can’t drink anything without getting hung over, so I stopped drinking, too.

Then, bloody fucking NYE ruined everything. I dropped him at his house with his infernal beer of ruination. He leaned in to give me a kiss and I’m sure it was like kissing a stone. I was angry and disappointed. I do not want your stupid drunken kiss.

So, NYE was spent in Hollywood with fireworks and booming sound systems. I walked for blocks and blocks on a busted knee. It was spent at a party where everyone was drunk except for me. By the end, all they could really talk about was how drunk they were. When I tried to make an exit, a friend hung onto my leg like I was a tree and she was a koala. It was spent watching some drunken frat boy type walk into the middle of Santa Monica Blvd and get hit by a car. His drunken frat boy type friends gathered unsteadily around him in a circle watching his blood pool on the asphalt. It was spent keeping an eye on every driver on the road to make sure they didn’t hit me. It was spent with broken promises and sloppy drunken kisses.

Happy New Year.

There are 26 comments

  1. Tracy

    NYE – we forget it causes a lot of trouble as well as celebrations. Your honesty is so strong and pure in this post, and I really hope things will turn out as you’d like this year.


  2. nightingale

    Sorry for you… I hope he pulls himself together. In any case, look after yourself first! It sucks to always have to be strong but it gets you through. You will get a time to relax after. And if you need it, go shoot something!


  3. Melanie

    I wonder if the Male’s comments from Christmas of Suck were alcohol related? If the alcohol came back a while ago and NYE was an excuse for you see it? Three years is a long time to throw out the window.
    I’m sorry. I know the heartache of disappointment.


    1. goldfish

      Thankfully, no. I don’t think that’s the case. I know him well enough to know when something else is going on. He knows exactly what is at stake if he messes up again. It was just a slip up. He’s sober again and apologized to me for his behavior. The fact that he bought beer in front of me is a good sign. I really only need to worry if he starts hiding it.


        1. goldfish

          Believe me, Melanie, thoughts like that wander through my head on a regular basis. Being involved with an addict isn’t much fun. I was half expecting to find him on a bender New Year’s Day. Instead, he was very contrite. It’s slip ups like that that really cement it for him.


          1. Melanie

            He’s lucky to have you standing behind him tapping your foot. I hope he’s planning the Valentines to end all Valentines. I’m not usually a fan of Hallmark Holidays, but I think you’ve earned some romance after Christmas and NYE.


          2. goldfish

            He knows how lucky he is to be alive and to still have me by his side. He also knows if he messes up again for real, I will walk away and his entire life will come crashing down as well. Sometimes, you have to fall off the wagon a little bit to remember how lucky you are to be on it.


        1. goldfish

          Yeah. This is exactly why we’re not involved any more than we are. I don’t trust him 100%, but he doesn’t trust himself completely either. He said to me, “I guess I’m just not the type who can have one glass of champagne on NYE.”


  4. Kozo

    Glad you stayed out of harms way, Goldfish. Sounds like it could have been a lot worse. At least now you have the ammo of saying “Remember NYE?” if male decides to have just one sip in the future. Thanks again for the honesty and humor–Aleppo, Syria made me laugh and grateful that we live in the US of fricken A.


  5. twistingthreads

    I keep thinking there’s so much hype on New Year’s and I’ve never understood it. It’s an arbitrary day that we set up as the start of a new year. Really we could pick any day to look back, make things better, hope for a better year. My family (and I) have never celebrated it, though, so I’m clueless. Sorry you’re having an extra crummy holiday streak; hopefully the days in between, and that follow, have been/will be better.


Your words go here.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s