I don’t do resolutions because I find that I always fail and then I make myself feel terrible for being a failure again. I find that it’s kinder to myself to not set up unrealistic expectations that I’m bound not to meet.

But this year, I’m going to try.

I’m going to try because I need some change in my life. Writing that post yesterday about what I would like to immortalize about the last year made me realize that I hadn’t done much at all in the last year except tread water. There are worse things, I suppose, but really, the fish needs some momentum.

As Mark Twain said, “New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” Here’s a list of New Year Resolutions I’m going to try to keep, but not beat myself up over if I fail:

I’m going to try NaNoWriMo again.

This year, I decided I’m not a writer of novels, which gave me license to just stop writing altogether. Next year, I’m going to try NaNo again, but instead of writing one big novel, I’m going to write a compendium of short stories.

I will learn Maths.

And then take the placement test for college that I completely blew off this month. Just because I can’t afford college, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t learn math. Math, my nemesis, I shall defeat you. Bwahaha.

Male and I are going to quit smoking.

Meat. No more smoking meat.

I’m going to try to write every day.

This one is doomed to fail, but I will try anyway.

I will do Kozo’s Bloggers For Peace.

I will write a post about peace once a month.

I will do the Trifecta and the Daily Post weekly challenges.

I’ve been slacking on both of those lately.

I will try to write funny fiction.

I can write funny and I can write fiction, but never both at the same time.

I will buy more art.

I try to buy original art about once a quarter, but I’ve been slacking on that lately because I’m poor. I’m going to buy this print today:

No more eating rainbows.

They’re very fattening. Not only that, but they’re endangered.

I’m going to give up being a cat.

I’m not a cat, but I keep trying to be one and failing.

I will be a human being.

I will be a fallible, soft, squishy thing with internal parts that weaken and fail. Wait, why would I want to be that?

I will become a cyborg.

Much better.

I will adopt a pet dragon.

So many dragons are killed in shelters every year.

I will try to be happy.

Pffft. HAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s hilarious.