Dear Santa Claus,

I hope you don’t actually look this creepy.

The Daily Post told me to “Picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog. Write her or him a letter.” I chose you, Santa. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written. Sorry about that.

When I was a little girl, you were a powerful motivator. I had to behave myself all year (well, mostly November and December – your threats didn’t work too well in July) so that you would visit. You stopped bringing me presents when I was still in single digits. I hope you can understand that I kind of lost faith in you for a little while.

I was a skeptic from early on. It began with the fact that we didn’t even have a chimney. How would you get inside without a chimney? My mom assured me that you didn’t need one even though a chimney was integral to all the stories about you. The seed of doubt had been planted. Then, I realized that you had the same handwriting and even used the same wrapping paper as my mom. My doubt strengthened. She told me that you were so busy that you had enlisted her into your Christmas army. If it wasn’t for her help and help from parents like her, there was no way that you could finish all that work in time for Christmas. I believed her for a little while, but eventually, I thought you were a sham.

Can you ever forgive me? You see, I had a lot going on in my life then. I didn’t trust the people closest to me. My mom’s insistence that she was part of your elf army just struck me as another lie in a long list of them. I wish I had believed her. I wish I could have hung on to you for a little while longer. I miss your visits. I miss the anticipation of Christmas eve where I could hardly sleep because I was excited. I miss opening my eyes on Christmas morning and running downstairs to find that you had eaten the cookies we left out.

I took you for granted, Santa. I threw you away. I cast aside the kindest, most magical person in the whole world, because I couldn’t or just didn’t want to believe. Well, I’d like to believe in you now, if that’s alright. I know I’m a little old, but I’d like to believe in you. Please, don’t feel like you need to leave something at my house (even though I do have a chimney now). Could you use one of my Christmases to visit the house of a kid like me instead? Visit a kid who has already had too much adulthood forced upon them and doesn’t want to believe in you. Tell that kid that it’s alright to let his or her guard down, if only for one day a year. Tell them that there will be plenty of time for being an adult later on, but now, it’s time to be a kid. It’s okay to believe.

I’ll leave some cookies and milk on the counter for you this year if you’d like to take a rest at my house.

Thanks for everything, Santa.



There are 104 comments

  1. bexy3

    I loved believing in Santa as a kid. This letter made me smile in amongst the stress of finding decent Christmas presents and trying not to let the gas bill get to high, you reminded me of the magic I used to desperately want to believe in. Thanks for making me smile :D


  2. segmation

    When my daughter was in kindergarten she told all the children that there was not a Santa! This was created quite a stir in this class. I wish Santa could have made this matter blow over for all these children! Don’t you agree? I hope Santa is reading this and your blog as well.


  3. Grimm's Furry Tail

    Love your letter to Santa. There is a little sadness when innocence is lost. Why do we rush so much to grow up, then when we are grown, wish for childhood again? I was a little like you as a child–wanted to know how, why, where, when…especially when things seemed a little out of the ordinary. Now as an adult I don’t have kids, but to relive my childhood memories, I take my dog to see Santa. What a turn of events! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!


    1. goldfish

      Yeah, there is a tinge of sadness in my letter. Every time I talk about my childhood, there’s a tinge of sadness unfortunately. I wish I could have been one of those kids who believed.

      I should take my dog to see Santa! I didn’t know they did such things.


  4. Matt

    Nice post. I never understood why parents kept the idea of Santa going for children. My wife and I made a point of making sure our kids knew that he was a “story” not to “force” adulthood on them but to prevent them from any sort of future heartbreak. Congrats on getting ‘pressed’!


    1. goldfish

      Honestly, that’s the nicest way. When I found out my parents, and the entire world for that matter, were lying to me, well, it crushed my soul a little bit and I never fully recovered. Of course, there were other things too…


  5. k8edid

    I wrote Santa a poem last year…I’ll have to see if I can find it.

    Most of my grandchildren now do not believe in Santa (the older ones) but they are willing to play along for the younger ones. I want to believe, still.


  6. laceyjbrown

    Lovely letter. I found out in 4th grade. Yea, maybe I was too old but still. I was shocked more than anything. I wasn’t angry really. I think I knew in my little heart that Santa was more of a magical feeling than a real person anyway, so it didn’t matter. We saw Santa in our town’s Christmas parade last night. I waved at him like a moron, even though I’m 31 years old. Santa will always be a part of my heart. :) Thank you for sharing.


  7. lexiesnana

    Dear Goldfish,
    If that is all you want ,wish granted my adult believer.I hope the milk is fat free because I am trying to keep lean.A lot of little kids depend on me you know.Keep the faith in believing,you never know when you will get your Christmas Miracle.Love Santa


  8. silvachiqa

    Congratulations on being freshly pressed. This is a most honest, heartwarming take on Santa Claus. I just kept believing, even though I spotted holes in the theory when I became older to understand. You see, it worked for me so I just kept quiet and milked it, LOL.


  9. Andrew

    “He has a magic key”…that was my Mum’s way of getting around the ‘no chimney’ aspect to the whole mythos. Somehow the thought of a magic stranger with the ability to fly around the world having unlimited access to every house on the planet was whimsical and not, as it should have been, terrifying.

    Also, I often wondered why – despite being a corpulent fellow – he would leave most of the milk and mince pies untouched after his visit. Just a bite and a few sips. What a lightweight!


    1. dendschmidt

      Ii was told he would magicaly make a chimney, much like in the movie “The Santa Claus” with Tim Allen. Of course, this was before the movie came out, but it did make me accept it for a while. As far as the milk and desserts (mince pies? How could he pass those up?), I had plenty of uncles who enjoyed the slightly buzzed snacks. How about leaving something for the reindeer outside? We’d put out, of all things, trail mix, and it would be gone in the morning. I’m sure it was the result of squirrels and raccoons, but the magic was there.


      1. Andrew

        I think we just left carrots out alongside the mince pies for the reindeer. Which, in hindsight, now raises the question of which parent was left with the task of taking bites of out raw carrot for the purposes of committing to a fairy tale they told their children…


      1. Andrew

        As a five year old a magic key probably sounded more believable to me. Especially as we didn’t have any alarms for him to bypass. How were we not traumatised as children..?


  10. SWOZY

    You know, I love Christmas and it’s mostly because I see it through my Mother’s eyes.

    She never had a childhood as such. From the time she could walk she was ‘Mother’ to all the siblings that came after her. She never owned a doll or went out to play with kids, she had to stay behind to cook and clean.

    Unknowingly, she left me a legacy and that is to see every Christmas through the eyes of a child. I’m in my fifties now and STILL I love Christmas just like a child and I hope that even though she’s passed away, through my experience I can give her a some of the missing years.

    Merry Christmas!


  11. dendschmidt

    One year — I was abou6 or 7 — my siblings and I actually awoke to the sound of the reindeer leaping from our roof, replete with harnesses of bells, and a “OH, OH, OH” from somewhere in the distance. I nver did get the “A merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night,” as my grandfather had read to us the night before; it was still magical, inciting a trio of children to rouse their sleep-weary family with shouts of “Santa was just here!”
    Sadly, it was only two or three years later that I came to realize that Santa was nothing more than a story, the polar opposite of the Boogey-Man, though the point was, in either case, to behave and mind your parents. The threat is the same, if you really think about it. Santa gives you coal, the Boogey-Man eats your soul (or something along those rhyming ideas). And then I started — being defiant and rebellious from an early age — to ruin the magic of Santa for anyone who might listen (even if they didn’t want to).
    Looking back, I regret making 3-5 year old children cry, because they really did believe in Santa, as I once had (my younger sister made it to 10 or so before she stopped believing, despite my best efforts). It didn’t occur to me that saying, “Santa isn’t real! He’s just a story our parents make up to make us behave!” could cause so much trauma. And, looking back, I’m glad I got to un-believe on my own, rather than have the truth thrust upon me, feeling like I’d shown up at casual Friday in full suit and tie.
    As I grew older, and nieces/nephews, my own son, etc. became the focus of Christmas (it is, after all, about the children, about their undeniable belief in Mr. Kringle), I began to wish that Santa Claus were real, that the spirit of Christmas — if commercial — had a kernal of truth (it actually does, according to
    Even though I know I’m being less than honest with the children, I’m happy to be keeping their spirits up, their hope alive, and their memories fond. I only hope they never meet a kid that acts as I did.

    P.S. Kudos on the FP!


  12. Deb Mukherjee

    Santa’s not real?!?!

    Great post, truly deserved it’s freshly pressed.
    I could say things like “stirs up the mood” or “thanks for reminding me of a child’s innocence” or something along those lines, but I see the fine folks at wordpress have beat me to it. Okay. So I guess I’ll just say what my brother said when he read this. (I left it on my computer.) So when he gets older, expect to be in his version of your Dear Santa post.
    Santa skeptics through the generations………


  13. susielindau

    Love this and believe in Santa too. It is amazing how the magic of Christmas never dies no matter how old you are.
    Hey, just a thought. I have seen those live gif file goldfish that move to your finger. Have you seen them on blogs? Might be a fun addition.
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!


    1. Jess B

      I wholeheartedly agree! You’re never too old to believe in anything, especially Santa. Find that child in your heart and let them soar. :)


  14. ghostofawriter

    Cute letter. My parents were sneaky enough that they used a new pen and totally different wrapping paper for the Christmas presents, they even got the neighbor to write the tags so I wouldn’t identify the handwriting. Unfortunately I was always a curious skeptic and at four and five I remember going around the house with my gift tag and writing with all the pens trying to find the pen.

    I avoid that with my son…Santa leaves the presents unwrapped and set up in front of the tree. The packaging discretely sitting in the bottom of the neighbors garbage can. I know how curious and skeptical he already is, I want to keep the magic alive for a little longer. Besides, I like being able to use the threat of Santa for behavior modification.


  15. karenspath

    My ten year old boy has finally discovered that the tooth fairy isn’t real. There was real accusations in his eyes when he told me he saw me putting the money under his pillow. Somehow, he hasn’t tumbled onto the Santa thing. My oldest daughter asked me when she was seven because an older friend told her. I don’t remember when I knew the truth, but Santa has brought me a present my entire life, even if I bought it myself! =) Congrats on being freshly pressed.


  16. Anonymous

    I read this just in time! I was debating on whether or not to tell my 6 year old “the truth” about Santa. I would still let her believe in Santa, but I was just going to tell her that I actually wrapped all of the presents, but that he doesn’t really come down the chimney all the way from the north pole and all that jazz! But… I will let her keep believing. That feeling of the magic of Christmas is the strongest and most pleasant memory that I have from my childhood. I want her to have that too. :)


    1. goldfish

      Yay! As much as I distrusted my parents and was onto their game, I don’t hold it against them now. They gave me something that was irreplaceable. Every child should have that I think.


  17. L. Palmer

    The other day my youngest sister and her friend who lives across the street had a debate about Santa. He was skeptical. My sister stuck to her guns and told him what’s what: Santa’s real. Haven’t you seen where the US Government tracks him online. it was an amazing conversation.


  18. ariacoleasher

    I burst into tears when I found out Santa didn’t exist at the age of 10. The magic of Christmas has been gone ever since. I hope to find that magic again if I ever have kids of my own some day. I think being around kids during the holidays is the only true way to experience that magic. Seeing the pure joy in their eyes is heart-warming. The thing that I love about Christmas now is seeing the outpouring of goodwill. I only wish it happened year round. Thanks for the bittersweet post about Santa’s presence.


  19. lovecourtxoxo

    I am proud to say I will always believe in Santa- Just because there isn’t a jolly old fat guy riding around in a sleigh pulled by reindeer doesn’t mean that Santa isn’t real. Santa is the loving/giving/caring spirit of Christmas that lives inside everyone; because of this, I eat a couple extra cookies every year in order to satisfy the little bit of Santa that is living inside of me! Merry Christmas!


  20. ideflex

    We spent one Christmas in France where I was told by my grandparents that we should leave out a shoe (a shoe!) for Santa to fill instead of our customary stocking – I can remember being mortified and paralyzed with fear for half the night that he wouldn’t find us because we weren’t in our usual spot… Lovely post. BELIEVE….


  21. Ronald Joseph Kule

    I suppose the reason why Santa has never been discovered — I mean the REAL Santa (there is one, you know!) — is that Santa is a different person for each one of us. You know, kinda like the way our parents told us that each of us eight children of theirs are treated differently, because we are different individuals.

    And now I know about YOUR Santa. The forgiving kind that accepts your apology and lets go of his resentments that you were gone from his fold for so many years.

    Imagination is good. Every one of us needs our own Santa to feed our imagination … or is it the other way around? Is that why you got so fat, Santa? (See: my Santa’s fat and jolly and he drank Coca-cola years ago. I can prove it.)


  22. kellyt14

    This is a very nice and touching letter to Santa. I believe that everyone feels the way you do, in that they miss their childhood and wish they could have those days back. But I think that our generation and anyone older has had it good with the whole “Santa” and Christmas concept. Each year the definition of family changes and gets a new meaning. And lately, statistics have proven that divorce is at an all time high, or being a single parent is more common. I think that this strongly affects children and their whole Santa/Christmas experience. I believe that in past generations, since the divorce rate was lower and the most common family structure was a nuclear family, they have had a good holiday experiences. Parents who stay together are more likely to give their children a happy and merry Christmas, unlike those of divorced couples or single parents. Be thankful for the childhood you had! Thanks for your time, very nice letter, again!


  23. CherylSalvador

    I don’t know what, why or how but your letter to Santa touched something inside me… Maybe because I sometimes long for that belief in something magical such as this. Nice post and congratulations for being Freshly Pressed! :)


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