There’s this site called Pinterest where people (mostly women) who like sharing things that other people make can share things with other people who like sharing things that other people make. Say you find a nifty pair of shoes or a set of “glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of… wherever,” you can virtually pin those shoes and plates on your imaginary pin board for others to look at, like bumper stickers for commercial products I guess.

Basically, it turns your interests into a social format or something? I don’t really know how it works. I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of this site is even though I do, in fact, have a perfectly functional vagina. As the owner of said vagina, sometimes I like to pretend that I take an interest in, or at least know, what the rest of my vagina sisters are up to. Girl power and all that.

Anyway, these virtual pin boards got me thinking about what my interests actually are. I have little interest in mass-produced things. I don’t care about brands. I do not follow trends. I do not keep up with celebrity gossip. I don’t listen to music on the radio. The other day, I was trying to think of a big pop idol and the most recent example I could come up with was Britney Spears. She’s like 90 with grand kids now or something. That’s how out of date I am.

I have a friend who rides a bicycle everywhere. She is pretty obsessive about riding bikes. She has a whole set of friends that she rides bikes with and they talk about riding bikes while they’re riding bikes. She has people who are interested in the same niche she is. I don’t really belong to any niches. I don’t have a niche to really call my own. I have very few proper hobbies. I am not part of any clubs, communities, groups or local chapters. I don’t even have a pin board.

In an effort to reach out to my fellow vagina owners and see if any of my interests are potentially sociable, let’s see if I can come up with any hobbies that the rest of Pinterest might be interested in. Maybe I could find some Sisterests and we could start our very own niche. These are the categories on the virtual  pin board:

Animals

I like animals. I have a cat and a dog. I take my dog to the dog park where I talk to other people who have dogs. I know them all… by the name of their dogs. The strangest thing about dog parks is that I know all the dogs’ names but very few of the peoples’ names. Hm. I suppose you can’t really consider that a niche if you don’t know anyone’s names. Let’s see what the pin board has on the subject of animals:

Random Pinterest Sample:

Next.

Architecture

I’m not really interested in architecture as an art form. I’m more of a function over form kind of girl. Besides, I can’t afford architecture anyway. Next.

Art

I enjoy art. I even have some favorite artists, but art is one of those poncy interests that you can’t really talk about without seeming pretentious. Let’s see what Pinterest has to say on the subject.

Random Pinterest Sample:

Next.

Cars & motorcycles

Sure, I like cars. I have one, but it’s not really a collector’s item or anything. Next.

Celebrities

Next.

Design

I design for a living. I really don’t want to talk about it.

DIY & Crafts

I am very handy with a power drill or a hammer, but I am not fond of the concept of crafts. That word to me says doilies and pot holders. Meh. I’m almost afraid to see what The P has to say on this subject, but I can’t help but look, like a car crash.

Random Pinterest Sample:

I wasn’t aware that cabbage was a craft.

Education

Other than the compulsory grades K-12, I’m an autodidact. However, I have recently given some thought to going back to school. Maybe there’s something helpful in there.

Nope. Moving on.

Film, Music & Books

I have to say, it’s rather telling that these three rather broad categories are mashed together into one.

I like movies.
I’m not really a fan of going to see movies in a theater. Too much money, no pause button when you need to get up to pee, and my home is more comfortable and closer. I don’t really enjoy talking about movies either, because invariably, someone I know will be a film school student and the discussion will veer off into techno-babble land.

I like music.
Really, I love music. I’m always on the lookout for new music and I already have a music trading group of sorts. I go to live shows from time to time already. Other than starting a band, I can’t imagine how music could get much more social than that.

I like reading.
I always have a book going. Always. If you’re really curious, here’s my Goodreads profile. Reading is a solitary hobby. Although, some people have book clubs and stuff where they all read the same book at the same time and discuss it, but that relies heavily on the group wanting to read what I want to read when I read it, and the likelihood of that is infinitesimally small.

Random Pinterest Sample:

It’s even worse than I would have figured.

 Food & Drink

I enjoy both, but talking about it seems pretentious to me as well. What you like food-wise and drink-wise is subjective, and nobody really cares.

Gardening

Next.

Geek

What does that even mean? There are a lot of geek categories. Technology, science, astrophysics…

Random Pinterest Sample:

Oh.

(That Darth Vader lamp is actually pretty cool though.)

Hair & Beauty

Next.

Health & Fitness

Next.

History

I love history, but I don’t go pinning it on pin boards. I’m scared to look…

Random Pinterest Sample:

This category actually does have some historical photos in it. They’re mostly of historical clothing, but it’s the least depressing category I’ve looked at so far.

Holiday & Events

Next.

Home Decor

Next.

OK, that’s enough. I’ve only made it through the first column and I can’t take anymore. There’s nothing here, at least in the first column, that interests me at all. Where are my interests? Would “writing” go under “DIY & Crafts”? Where’s the “firearms” category?  “Explosives”? “Bludgeoning”? No? Nothing? I don’t think Pinterest is for me. I’m glad I stopped before I got to the “Humor” category: something tells me it’s chock full of lolcats.

And that’s how I learned that my vagina, while practical and functional, is just not very social.

Continued in Pinterest: Or My Antisocial Vagina Part 2.